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socrateaser, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 39019
Experience:  Retired (mostly)
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I am a man who does not feel I have any rights when it ...

Customer Question

I am a man who does not feel I have any rights when it comes to my 3 yr old son. His mother is on drugs, lives with her mother who is the guardian. I have a court order stating that I get supervised visitation only because I live with my girlfriend. How can I get more rights for my son when she keeps getting away through the courts with everything. I can''t afford thousands of dollars for an attorney to keep taking her back to court? Help me find someone that will stand up for my rights as a father.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  socrateaser replied 9 years ago.

Here's the deal. Most parents are unwilling to do what it takes to get substantial custody, once it's been removed from them.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that the judge in your case is the only one you will have, unless he/she retires or gets sick, etc. So, when the judge makes an unfavorable order, it means that he/she is sending you a message. You may not like the message, and you may not think it's fair, and it may not be fair...but, if you don't hear the message you will never get anywhere, because family law, frankly, is the place where rationality, common law and the Constitution of the United States all go to die.

Family court judges are stuck with a system that is not intended to deal with people's emotional problems. Nor are judges great Oracles who can predict the future of a child.

But, they are told by the legislatures to "figure it out," and then they're left to their own devices.

What I'm getting at here is that, unless you have HUGE financial resources, fighting with a family law judge's decision may as well be fighting with the ocean tide: you either learn to surf the waves or you will be drowned beneath them.

So, if the judge won't let you have visitation because you're living with your girlfriend, then guess what the answer to your problem is?

Right. Move into your own pad, so that's no longer an issue. Or, marry your girfriend and establish a conventional home.

Don't like those answers? Then, my friend, you're not listening to the tide, and you will just tread water until you sink into the abyss.

If you need a cheap lawyer, you'll need to check out your state bar association's pro bono programs or the legal aid society, or maybe a law school in your area who has students in an extern program.

Family law attorneys are not cheap, so thinking that someone will just jump to rescue you is, well, once again, not listening to the tide.

You can learn to "do it yourself," but it takes a lot of time and effort, so if you're not prepared to do that, then you're back to square one: Do exactly what the judge says and your situation will improve -- otherwise it won't.

socrateaser and 5 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
But how can the mother get away with failing drug test after drug test and get a slap on the wrist, I don't get to see my son. It states in the court order that if the grandmother does not return my calls for visitation then she is in violation of the court order. Who in the heck do you go to to tell the judge she is in violation. The mother calls the father back but she has no parental rights and does it to just be mean to him. The grandmother don't even call him back to give him an explaination. The judge never said anything about my girlfriend, it is basically the grandmother and the mother who has a problem with it. We have asked for a home study to be done, Also asked for the grandmother to come over and check out the house so that I can have visitation with my son. I feel like this is a never ending battle and all she is going to do is win win win. I don't do drugs anymore and have straightened up my life, I don't get to see my son, she gets to keep doing drugs, gets a slap on the wrist and gets to see her son everyday. How can this be.
Expert:  socrateaser replied 9 years ago.

I swear, I could have written that response for you -- I've heard it so many times before.

You're not listening to me. It doesn't matter how the mother can get away with it. What matters is that YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH IT, because the judge has told you so by making orders adverse to your wishes.

You have to fix YOUR situation first, and then, when you're s*** don't stink, you can start name calling against your opponent.

This is not the forum for me to give you a continuing lecture. You will have to decide what you want more -- time with your kids or the continuation of your relationship with your girlfriend under the same roof (unless she's your spouse).

Can't have both -- so get over it.