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My older brother had locked in syndrome with stoke for 14.5…

My older brother had...
My older brother had locked in syndrome with stoke for 14.5 years His wife informed me (middle brother with close ties to her) that he was very wry I’ll in hospital. She was very dressed and asked me to communicate with my younger brother Sam. Sam and I have a relatively decent relationship and I always communicated Franks health issues. Sam became very very mad stating my brothers wife had disrespected him and he refused to go to funeral. This there any standard of etiquette regarding communications health matters. I’m a first degree brother?
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Met to say very very ill in the hospital
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
You have not answered the question???
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
No answer received
Answered in 1 day by:
12/23/2017
Rev Dr August Abbott
Rev Dr August Abbott, Adult Etiquette Pro
Category: Etiquette
Satisfied Customers: 7,875
Experience: 40 yrs: Etiquette teacher,Formal event officiate, announcement author, minister
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I apologize for the delay in responding to your question. It appears it was in a different category for a while and notices didn't go out to the experts it should have.

I am August Abbott, formally trained x12 yrs private school:international protocols, etiquette. Please allow a few mins. to compose your response.

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I am deeply sorry for this loss to you and your family, together with questionable behavior by another family member it makes the loss even more painful.

Sometimes people have a hard time processing their pain and are confused about how they feel. When this happens they may strike out at absolutely anything else in front of them. I suspect that this is what is behind Sam's reaction.

Frank's wife told the brother she was closest to (you) and it's fine that she counted on you to talk to Sam, which you did.

Sam may have gone through life feeling outcast by his two older brothers and then, witnessing the relationship you have with Frank's wife, felt even more de-valued. With his feelings already hurt by past treatment, whether real or imagined, when put together with losing his older brother, he needed to strike out. Chances are he's not so much angry with Frank's wife or anyone else in particular, but with life in general for what he perceives as an unfair burden and loss.

Not going to the funeral is something he'll have to live with. He didn't really accomplish anything that would make him feel better by doing this. He, in fact, only looked 'bad' to everyone else who expected he would be there not only to pay respects to Frank, but to show family unity and support. He will never be able to get that day back or have a 'do over' and that's a very, very heavy burden to add to what seems like a rather unhappy life.

As long as he feels disrespected, chances are he will be disrespected. If he's looking for slights and offenses against him by others, it's guaranteed that he will find it. And there is nothing you or anyone else can do to change this.

I'd actually feel more sorry for him than bothered by him. He's pushing himself away from everyone and then complaining about it. Like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer and blaming the hammer for the headache.

So the bot***** *****ne is that no one did anything wrong with regard to Sam.

And once again, I'm sorry for your loss. No matter how expected, it's nevertheless very painful, very hard to say goodbye to someone we shared a lifetime with.

God bless you all and give you strength

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Beautiful words, so insightful and healing for me. I am great full for you response
Warm regards

Thank you too for your kind words. If you wouldn't mind entering a rating here so we can close this I'd appreciate it. And if you need anything else, ever, just ask for me. I understand the complexities and the stress you're going through. I do wish you a peaceful and warm holiday

Rev Dr August Abbott
Rev Dr August Abbott, Adult Etiquette Pro
Category: Etiquette
Satisfied Customers: 7,875
Experience: 40 yrs: Etiquette teacher,Formal event officiate, announcement author, minister
Verified
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Excellent and well thought out response.
Answered all my questions and concerns perfectly
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