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Rev. Abbott -- The 94 year-old father of my oldest friend in…

Hello Rev. Abbott -- The...
Hello Rev. Abbott -- The 94 year-old father of my oldest friend in life (we met at age 2) has passed away and I did not catch wind of it until after the funeral. His father was known to me although we've not chatted in years. Indeed, my friend since Age 2 has fallen out of regular contact for several years but this does not negate the many times and good memories we share and I would have attended his father's funeral had I known in advance about it. He traveled about 500 miles from his home to attend his father's funeral and did not contact me -- which was fine as he had higher priorities to attend to. His father requested a donation to an animal protection group in lieu of flowers which I can do. But is there a more personal way to express condolences in belated fashion now a week past the funeral I was unaware of and did not attend? What would be a proper way to contact my friend and his brother (surviving children) and express my condolences as a more meaningful person in their family history (his mother and my mother were co-workers 55 years ago which is how I met her son I who became one of my best friends in life, albeit now years past.)
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8/21/2017
Angela--Mod
Category: Etiquette
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Rev Dr August Abbott
Rev Dr August Abbott, Adult Etiquette Pro
Category: Etiquette
Satisfied Customers: 7,849
Experience: 40 yrs: Etiquette teacher,Formal event officiate, announcement author, minister
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What a beautiful, heartwarming sentiment you intend and as always, I'm here for you.

Send a card, as you planned (it's never too late) and include a particularly meaningful memory you have of their dad. It could be a boating outing or drive that was taken, some advice that came in the nick of time or words you've never forgotten - just take a moment and replay all those years - what sticks out? Often, the most simple and typically 'forgettable' of times are the ones we hold deepest in our hearts.

Also mention at the end of the note that you've sent a donation or are doing something more creative, like bringing a pkg of paper towels or bedding to your local shelter in their dad's honor - or even volunteering some of your time, the most precious of gifts.

Tell them you're going to give them time to heal, but would love to reconnect so you'll be calling in the near future and perhaps can get together (if close enough?) - and of course offer your own contact information with the encouragement for them to reach out "any time, day or night"

And on a personal note to you, I'm sorry for your loss. Keep reaching into your heart for the memories of your friend and use them to get you past the feeling of having lost someone. In those memories, they are always there.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Although likely already mentioned in the father's ("Don's") eulogy, what comes to mind was his practice on Independence Day coming from a long line of British ancestors (but still US Citizen) to do something whimsical -- He flew the British flag (versus his standard US flag) outside his home but at half-mast which created curiosity with passers-by who didn't know Don and who likely questioned, "Who died?" until they figured out the obvious. It was tongue-in-cheek humor but still respectful, and humor was a strong suit in their family as carried on by his son my age (friend since age 2) as we had many great times together pulling productions and stunts where humor or satire was the point but many less enlightened didn't quite get it. (We both grew up in the most socio-economically depressed area of the USA according to Census statistics on income and average education so as creative, somewhat brainiacs, we were frequently not quickly understood.) Your suggestions are good ones and I will employ them as I follow on with expressions to Don's surviving family. There is our city animal shelter between Don's home and mine where I have donated days of my volunteer time in my past and will consider a repeat or other gift if such shelter was part of Don's parting wishes for donation ln lieu of flowers. Thanks again for the good ideas and pointers in keeping with good etiquette, and may there evolve more experts in this world with your knowledge and good direction towards recapturing a more genteel and polite society our nation once knew (and where have all the Charm Schools gone?!!!) Thanks again. You're a star AND my Favorite Expert.
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Note - Even your one letter response with reactivate stars so I can give rating, currently awaiting your response. None needed as I am ready to rate -- 5 stars as per your usual. Heads up note -- The JustAnswers.com web portal shows only 405 ratings for you as seen from my screen which is under-reporting I've seen with most other experts. It's appears to be a JA programming bug but I've heard could be a JustAnswers.com conflict with my browser as I've seen this with my use of Internet Explorer and Microsoft Edge browsers off of OS Windows 10, 64-bit, Home Edition. FYI]

I was so surprised and pleased to hear from you again and as I mentioned previously, I enjoy our 'talks' very much!

Please be aware that anything sent to you other than my responses right here where we both can see, are site generated. They may seem to be generated by me, but alas, I don't even know what they say. I'm just giving you a heads up, 'just in case'.

You're also right about the rating numbers. I've been with JA since they began (one of the 'originals') and have answered too many to count. By far and away more than 400-something. Add a few 0's

I'm also in the relationship, antiques and bird categories, among others. I own N.CA Parrot Rescue.

Mark Twain once wrote (in Following the Equator): "She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot."

And I don't recall having met the gentleman

Once again, thank you for visiting and I hope to see you again! Regards ***** ***** mom.

Rev Dr August Abbott
Rev Dr August Abbott, Adult Etiquette Pro
Category: Etiquette
Satisfied Customers: 7,849
Experience: 40 yrs: Etiquette teacher,Formal event officiate, announcement author, minister
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