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Michael, Librarian
Category: Etiquette
Satisfied Customers: 3226
Experience:  20+ years as information professional
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I am the mother of a 25 year old lady who is a graduate

Customer Question

I am the mother of a 25 year old young lady who is a graduate student residing in another state. My daughter was delighted to be asked to be a bridesmaid in her friends wedding, believing that she would have to purchase her dress and shoes for the wedding. I have paid $300 for my daughters dress in addition to $300 for her airline ticket. She has since found out that the mother of the bride is DEMANDING that all 14 bridesmaids contribute $125 each for the bridal shower, that my daughter will not be in attendance, and another $125 for the bachelorette party which will include the party bus and hotel room for the bride. The mother has put each of the girls on a "payment plan" to cover the cost of these events. In addition to this each young lady was told that they are to come to the brides hair dresser so that she may do all of the young ladies hair the morning of the wedding, as well as have her make up girl to do all of their makeup and has given them the cost that each are to pay. All of this seems to be a bit unorthodox to me, my daughter contributed $50 towards the wedding shower that she will not be in attendance for and has informed the mother of the bride that she cannot contribute any additional funds. Also the bridesmaids are not allowed to bring a guest to the wedding.
The mother of the bride phoned me to inform me of the situation. I explained to her that this all seems to be somewhat different, while I am aware that the bridesmaids plan the wedding, from my previous experiences they plan it according to what they are able to afford not what the mother wants and chooses. The mom further informs me that this is my daughters financial responsibility as a bridesmaid! She said that she will "LOAN" my daughter the funds that were requested of her for the shower, hair and makeup. The mother is a friend of mine and I do not want to get into a confrontation with her but I also want her to realize that I am not paying out anymore funds as I have already paid more than I planned. At this point I am alright with my daughter dropping out if thats what it comes to. Please help in this very weird unorthodox wedding situation.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Etiquette
Expert:  Michael replied 1 year ago.

Putting together a wedding today has costs not seen for sometime. A nationwide study shows that the average cost for the bridesmaid can run over $6,000 as the breakdown can be found here in the link below:

It is obvious to me that by reading the accounts of what has been said that the bride's mother is controlling much of what is being done here in this wedding. Before your daughter decides to think otherwise of dropping out of this event, have her speak to the bride privately and see if something can be done to tone down the costs that are adding up. The other bridesmaids I am sure are having the same problem so also have them talk with the bride to see if costs can be lowered. Hopefully the entire bridesmaid group can get mom to lessen the load for all.

If nothing can be done to lower costs, then it would be up to your daughter to see if she wishes to continue. I would bet though that the bride herself will do whatever she can to keep everyone happy in her party so lowering costs could be something she will do.

Expert:  Michael replied 1 year ago.

Sorry as typo on costs as it should be around $1,600 total cost for the bridesmaid.

Expert:  Michael replied 1 year ago.

I hope that my thoughts on this matter can help in giving some idea to your daughter to have the costs lowered for all to enjoy the event. If you could take a moment to rate my assistance so that I know my help was useful as well as allow me to assist others such as yourself.