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I am sorry to hear about this situation. Here is what IDEA says about scheduling:
Each public agency must take steps to ensure that one or both of the parents of a child with a disability are present at each IEP Team meeting or are afforded the opportunity to participate… [§300.322(a)]
(1) Notifying parents of the meeting early enough to ensure that they will have an opportunity to attend; and
(2) Scheduling the meeting at a mutually agreed on time and place. [§300.322(a)(1) and (2)]
This means that the school has to work with you to facilitate a reasonable schedule, but no specific times are mandated. Mentioning this may help for them to soften their stand. Since most parents work during the day, is may be unreasonable for the school to mandate a meeting only during school hours and before 5:00pm. I believe that the Judge is likely to see that as too restrictive in the spirit of the verbiage above.
But - if parents cannot attend the IEP meeting, then the public agency is required to use "other methods to ensure parent participation, including individual or conference telephone calls" [§300.322(c)] and other alternative means such as video conferences (§300.328). IDEA permits such alternatives if parents and the school agree to this (§300.328).
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