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I am an attorney with 30 years of experience; I hope to provide you information that will help you in resolving your question.
This is a complicated issue and I wish we had more time to delve into your situation. As it is, since the meeting is tomorrow we can only touch on the basics. BUT I will link you to some sources where you can get more detailed information.
First and most importantly your need to to be sure that the IEP team evaluates the link between his difficulties and behavior in stressful circumstances. If he does not fully grasp social cues this may be causing the difficulties. His lack of skills in this area is likely leading to his acting out in a manner that is causing the school to seek discipline. You need to push for a behavioral assessment to help her develop the skills to recognize and re-focus his frustration. That assessment may lead to suggestions for individual and group work to focus on these issues. Those are activities that should be added to her IEP.
If the school refuses to work with you in this area remember that you are entitled to an expedited hearing if the school insists that his behavior is not a manifestation of the disability.
Also do not hesitate to contact the Department of Education for assistance. Charter Schools have the same obligations to provide an educational plan designed to meet your son's needs.
Here are some resources that may be useful to you:
If you find that the school is being resistant and is insisting on progressive discipline rather than behavioral assessment and skill set development do not hesitate to contact an educational attorney in your area. This link can assit youwith that:
Lastly a support group may be of assistance to you in getting the information and guidance that you need.
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Please note: Information is educational and not given as legal advice. Only your local attorney can give legal advice. I can't establish or accept an attorney-client relationship with you. All posts are available for public viewing.