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May I ask if you had any abuse you can recall as a child? Usually our actions will result because of how we were raised in our early years of life. I understand how shame can come into the situation with you relatives or parents as you are a male wearing women's clothing. I believe the shame is what causes us to continue on doing the things we do not understand. As we are shamed but we do not receive a reason as to why we are shamed. If you could give me some more information on what you are aware of relating to your childhood I can gain a better understanding in order to assist you.