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Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, PhD
Category: Dream Interpretation
Satisfied Customers: 1200
Experience:  40yrs interpreting dreams & connecting conscious & unconscious minds
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I had a dream about a male friend whom I also have a

Customer Question

I had a dream about a male friend whom I also have a sexual relationship with...the dream started at his apartment and he was getting ready then all his family showed up his mother asked me my name I told her yes it was I then she asked does your husband know you are here and I replied I am not married ma'am.. then his mother told me you look like a good girl with a good head on your shoulders and I replied thank you then him and all his family went fishing or hunting or something like that then the scenario changed to a backyard BBQ my family barbequing for his family which all came from Alabama.. and I ask my mother in my dream what is going and she told me we need to be united.his mother and my mother were atanding together ..and I asked why and then I woke up .my male friend was wearing a red Polo and was standing in the middle of all his family... there we're so many kids and people there... of from both sides
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Dream Interpretation
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 2 years ago.
I'm going to divide your dream into scenes, because their sequence normally actually shows up as psychological Consequences from one to the next; and that helps me to figure out what the dream is showing as the psychspiritual goal of the dream--where the first scene normally states the theme that the dreamer will try to resolve during the rest of the dream.So here's my first question, about the first scene: What is your sense of what your male friend is getting ready to do? The fact that you write "he was getting ready" right after you write "male friend . . .also have a sexual relationship" implies that he might be getting ready for the sexual part: BECAUSE what happens immediately after is "all his family showed up" (scene 2) and next "his mother asked me my name" (scene 3).If I follow the Psycho-logic of these scenes, then your agreement to "also a sexual relationship" triggers the psycho-logical ly NEW REALITY that his family shows up--so they're joining you (&you're joining them). Then his mother wants your NAME: That is your Identity, including FamilyName, and assumes you belong to another man--etc. So she's evaluating you for marriage with her son. And your family is joining with his family--so it's like a premarital family unification ceremony/(oldfashionedSouthern)dinner.I don't know what the red Polo clothing symbolizes: Could it be Passion? or Love? So even tho I didn't think I had time to interpret, it now looks pretty strong to me that your dream is showing you that your sexual relationship is much more than a "friend" in your unconscious mind: he's more like a new marriage. Hence for your unconscious mind "Friends With Benefits is a back-door to the sacred commitment that is marriage, with the sexual relationship as its empowering fire. Your two mothers are your first love relationships--that you might both unconsciously expect your young adult intimacy to become the adult version of. Yo0ur mothers need to be united because you and him need to be united.I'm also assuming, since you say he's a "male friend," that you have not met many or even Any of his family. So if that's true, then your images of what and whom they look like could be meaningful symbols of how your relationship with him might feel to you unconsciously.I just hope that this beautiful unconscious barbeque-unification of your two families doesn't lead you to be deeply wounded if/when he doesn't want to admit any unconscious communion with you on his side. (But I would guess that such a confident image of family unification could indicate that he does indeed feel very open to communicating between all of his different subpersonalities and all of yours. Perhaps as long as he doesn't have to admit to his great comfort with you openly, until it's long past obvious that you are a couple.Also, a dream like this could act as a psychic magnetizing influence to bring both of you into an unconscious "family communion. I would not advise you to talk to him about the dream, but I would advise you to imagine parts of it at times and watch your experience together for signs that the deep comfort depicted in the dream is gradually infiltrating your waking life. [I've interpreted lots of FWB dreams, and they're USUALLY about this hidden unconscious romantic dimension. But they're usually not so comfortably developing into a grand prenuptial family union celebration. So you're really IN LUCK.]Please comment in any way you wish.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
To answer some of the questions in my dream he is getting ready as in getting dressed like to go out ... the only thing i could think of the red polo is red is my favorite color no I haven't met any of his family But I know he had mentioned me before to his mom.....about two years ago we we're dating and did talk about marriage and it didn't work out so we stayed friends.. we currently work together and at times it is always sexual between us, the connection and attraction between us is so strong .. I know we both still have feeling s for one another. we are friends with benefits but when we are together sexually it so passionate...I really listen to your response and it makes sense..
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 2 years ago.
Perhaps you need to revisit the history/herstory about how it "didn't work out." For example, if EITHER of you is an adult offspring of divorced parents, it is a safe bet that at least one of you is convinced that it's far better that "it didn't work out" before you took the risk of advertising an impending marriage; for young (and manymany 30something) adult offspring of divorce assume they will be helpless to prevent a breakup once a downward slide begins. So it is both EMOTIONALLY and MORALLY Safer to endorse a "no-strings-attached" uncommitted relationship, because neither of you can majorly HURT the other if the only (implied) promise is "no promises." I'nm only guessing this possibility because NO fathers are mentioned; and I'd guess that neither of you feels the need to be physically, let alone emotionally intimate with anyone else.I've been a practicing individual & couples therapist for 40+ years, and I discovered these relating patterns during my doctoral research into children of divorce between 1993-1999. So if you're interested in exploring the ways out beyond what you have considered a dead-end in your intimacy, you could discuss your history with me--including via Skype or phone contact.

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