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Zoey_ JD
Zoey_ JD, JustAnswer Criminal Law Mentor
Category: Criminal Law
Satisfied Customers: 27717
Experience:  Admitted to NYS Criminal defense bar in 1989. Extensive arraignment, hearing, trial experience.
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hi Fran

This answer was rated:

hi Fran

I don't see any question for me. If you've got one, you can put it here in your reply.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi yesterday I was very confused with my situation, I knew he went to talk to his laywers but I did not know that was about me, and he also said yesterday to leave his family alone like I was dangerous to his kids phisically that I was gonna try something agist his kids, but I never said nothing about his kids all that I said is that I wanted to clear my conscious with his wife and tell her everything and he was acting like I was trying to kill him and calling his laywer in front of me and taking pictures of me and my car on the parking lot like as trying to do something...

what he can do with that or what his trying to do, telling me that I am dangerous to his family and he asked me if I was crazy in medication or something.


What he's doing is what we discussed yesterday. He wants you to leave him and his family alone, and he's building a case for why he needs a protective order.

You don't have to be doing anything wrong in order for him to get one. Your attentions just have to be unwelcome. If he goes for a civil order, it will cover him and all the members of his household. He'll be able to get what we call a temporary restraining order, and you'll be given a date for a hearing.

The hearing is for the judge to decide whether or not to make that order permanent. It's at the hearing where he will produce evidence of how you're harassing and or threatening him After he's done, you would get to produce evidence too -- your testimony, any phone calls or pictures, any witnesses -- to show that you are no threat to him or his family and that the order should be lifted.

The judge will decide which way it goes.

So as you can see, it's really important that you save your ammunition for when it counts rather than give him more to use against you.

If he goes to criminal court and gets a criminal order, then you have to worry about your record.

I know what you want to do, and I feel badly that you can't get your closure now, but you will get your day in court if he goes forward. Just don't make it worse for yourself until then..
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok I undertand that I have to keep away and I will. But I can not gonna let this man threatining me like this, our familyes is very close there is no way to keep complitely away from him if his wife and my husband does not no what is going on, he is alredy not leaving in his house for 3 weeks his wife know that he had a afair she just do not know that is me. All that I know is that she know and they had a big fight and the police came and made him leave the house and since than he did not come back yet. I do not know what he had told her. I am not that stuped Fran I had recorded a lot of conversation when I was with him and when he started to say that I had seduced him and that he never wanted to be with me and I was a slut I told him how he could say that after 3 years and 7 months and he continued to say that, I told him that he played with the wrong woman that I had recorded our encounters a lot times and he was never forced to see me he even said in one of them that he wished his was not married and he wished his kids did not exist and that he wished he had met me 20 years ago and I even said on that record that I did not wished he kids did not existed becouse they are wonderfull and I loved them... How can I be dangerous to his kids after I said that on october last year and I even babysit his baby for almost 4 months on my house. So, this man wants me to be scared of him after he had used me for so long and lie to me and to his wife. I can take my responsibility to have betrayed his wife and my husband but I can not let this man go unpunished after all he has done he is not a good man and I trusted him.

I asked another laywer in a criminal way and this was his answer:.

We all have freedom of speech, even saying things we wish we could take back. I don't know how he is using that against you, but it is not a crime to say what you said. Is there something else going on, like custody or something?


I understand that completely, which means that if this gets to court, you have substantial evidence that you can present to show that it's you rather than he who could use an order.

At the same time, if he does go to court and gets an order, you will be required to stay completely away from him. Otherwise, he can have you rearrested and you can face criminal charges. You may want to consider telling your husband about the affair -- IF -- a protective order is issued against you.


We all have freedom of speech however, the state is entitled constitutionally to decide when it needs to be curtailed. Freedom of speech does not mean, for example, going into a crowded movie theater and yelling, "Fire," and it doesn't mean harassing someone else.


There's a saying -- "Your rights stop at the end of my fist," and that about says it. The state balances ALL of our rights and can direct our behavior accordingly.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

So, should I tell my husband before this get to worse?

If he goes to court how long is gonna take so I know about and does his wife and my husband will know too?



I can't tell you how to handle your husband as I have no idea how he'll take the news But it will probably be easier on the two of you if you get the truth out there before it blows sky high. If the guy never goes to court, it might never cause any problems but if it does it's going to be very difficult for either of you to hide this from your spouses.

If it goes to civil court, you'll just have one hearing and if the order is granted, you'll be made to stay away from him for a period of years which the court will determine.

If it goes to criminal court, the case could go on for months
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I don't think he gonna go to the police and get a criminal charge agaist me, he alredy being scorted out of his house by the police after his wife beated him up. I don't think he wants that, so will not be any criminal court involved, I don't even think he wants his wife to know that, the person that he had a affair it is me all that I think he wants is scared me like you said. But anyways I need to know what is my rights in this situation, if he goes to court?

Hi Claudia,

I think you're probably right, because this is already messy enough, which is why I said that if you just leave him alone for now, this whole mess could just blow over.

I've already explained your rights. If he goes to civil court, you will get served with a summons and a copy of his temporary restraining order. You then get a date for a hearing. As I indicated above, he'll tell the judge why he needs a no-contact order, and then you'll tell the judge why he doesn't. The judge will decide and either remove the temporary order or make it permanent. You have a right to bring a lawyer with you and a right to present the evidence that you have to show why you wouldn't harm him.

Criminal court is different, but if he's already in trouble for a domestic offense at home, I think he will avoid the police.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

sorry I have another question I just want to make shure I understand everything right. this restraining order he only can get for him not for his family right?

He only can get a restraining order agaist me for his family if he goes to a criminal court?


He can ask for it to cover him and all members of his household. So yes, if the judge in either court thinks that he should have a protective order, you could be required to stay away from everyone.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

but how this can be legal? his wife is not a child, she is suppost to have a saying if she wants to be protected, he can not diside this for her. I can understand that he can ask that for his kids but his wife without she even know anything about it?

The court can keep you from contacting his house by any means, and that would automatically include the other occupants in it. These are customarily extended to include the minor children. The wife would need her own order of protection for any contact outside of her house.

Yes, it's legal. But again, your objection would be made at the hearing, and maybe the judge will see your side.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He is not leaving with his family anymore, she is a hotel.

Another thing when the police came to his house 3 weeks ago and he had to leave this action has any recorded in papers? there is any way I can see if he has something with the police?

There is any way that I can know that he had go to a court before I get to be noteced?


Not all communities publish arrests. I would have no way of knowing if his wife's complaint made the papers. The police paperwork with regard to his wife is not a matter of public record so you can't get it. The police are not obligated to tell you a thing about an incident that does not directly concern you.

No, short of having a private investigator tailing him there is no way to know if he's been to court to get an order against you. However, if it's not served upon you (and by someone else other than him) it is not in effect against you.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

how about the fact that he is leaving in a hotel not on his house anymore. The reintraining will work on his wife 2?

Lets say if I wanted to write her a letter and send to her work address, there is any way he can use that agaist me?.


I can do many things, but not predict the future. I have no idea what he'll ask for on the order and what the judge will grant. The fact that he's not living in his home right now may not be a permanent situation.


Yes, if she's upset enough about your communication to report it to the police, she can get her own order. Further, if she feels you are using her to get around the order, you could be accused of violating it.



Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I know that you can not predited the future, but a letter telling her who I am and how I got in this situation is agaist the law? how about if I write a annonimous latter?

How about if you leave them all alone like I've told you to do at least half a dozen times.

It's the only way you can be 100% safe. Period.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok Fran, I know you are thinking I do not want to leave him alone, I do but it is not fair what hi is doing and what he did. even you are wrinting that I am the one who went after him. He used me, lied to me and I am the one that is gonna end up being the bad one? I can not acept that!

But thank you for your help anyways....



You are the one who started off by telling me that you threatened to shoot him, so let's keep that in mind, because thats what sparked this whole thing in the first place from his perspective.

I do understand your frustration, but I know how our system works, and you're better off taking the high road and letting all of this die down.

There's no order of protection in effect now, so if you want to contact his wife, nobody can stop you. But if she tells him, this could backfire to where you're certain to like things worse than you do now.

Good luck.