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Ely, Counselor at Law
Category: Criminal Law
Satisfied Customers: 102162
Experience:  Private practice with focus on family, criminal, PI, consumer protection, and business consultation.
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My fiance is having trouble with an "ex" friend. This woman

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My fiance is having trouble with an "ex" friend. This woman will not leave her alone and continues to send email and contact her via phone, although she has been asked to stop it. Yesterday, her ex-friend, who obviously has serious personal issues, wrote to my fiance's daughter and asked her where my fiance lives as she wants to get in touch with her over some money she now claims is owed her. No money is or ever has been owed to her, however, the contact to my fiance's daughter is completely inappropriate. How can we make this stop legally? Is this enough for a restraining order. We live in PA while this crazy ex friend of hers lives in CT. THank you, RIck
Hello friend. My name is XXXXX XXXXX welcome to JustAnswer. Please note: (1) this is general information only, not legal advice, and, (2) there may be a slight delay between your follow ups and my replies.

I am sorry for your fiance's situation. How old is the daughter, please? Has he been threatening in any way, or just persistent but not threatening or harassing?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Her daughter is 25. Only the threat of a lawsuit, however, the contact is continual. I would certainly call it harassment. Her daughter is a NY investment banker and is also upset to receive the ex-friend's communication, especially considering the content requests my fiance's personal information as well as threats of a suit.

Thank you for your reply, Rick.

First, we have to discuss whether or not this is harassment/threat/etc and enough for a restraining order, and then we shall talk about "puffing."

Restraining Orders (Relief from Abuse)
In CT (and this would be CT, since she lives there), a restraining order is granted if the individual can show one or more of the following:

-a continuous threat of present physical pain or physical injury;
-stalking; or
-a pattern of threatening. "Threatening" includes, but is not limited to, when the abuser:
uses a physical threat to intentionally place or attempt to place you in fear of immediate serious physical injury; or
threatens to commit any crime of violence with the intention of terrorizing you or with disregard to the fact that the threat can cause you to be terrorized.

C.G.S. § 46b-15; C.G.S. § 53a-62.

Now, whether or not his actions constitute the above is a subjective matter, and really depends on the Judge. The Court may or may not agree. Often, the Courts like to err on the side of caution and grant it, but there is no guarantee.

However, a letter threatening to file this restraining order may do the trick, and have him back off even if one does not know for sure that the restraining order will be granted. In other words, it is a "cease and desist" letter. Often, it is scary enough to have the party back off without risking litigation. Such a letter from an attorney carries the best results because a letter from counsel has more "gravitas." However, let me know if you want a sample of such a letter.

This is called "puffing" (the etymology is the same as "puffer fish") and attorneys do this all the time. It tends to work.

I hope this helps and clarifies. Good luck.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank you Ely...I would appreciate the form letter. Although there has been no physical threats, I would certainly contend that the quantity of emails and phone calls would describe stalking. Is there no way the restraining order could be requested in PA? I remember years ago when my then wife's ex-husband placed a restraining order on her for making a phone call to him, the order was issued in NH where he lived.


I would appreciate the form letter.

No problem, friend, although keep in mind this is a sample and is only meant to inspire you.

Is there no way the restraining order could be requested in PA?

This may be attempted, but, then the party would have to travel to PA to have the hearing in most cases. So it may not be practical. The laws in PA are similar and also as subjective and a restraining order would be issued if the following may be proven to have happened:

-Attempting at:
-Bodily injury
-Involuntary deviate sexual intercourse (oral sex, anal sex, vaginal or anal penetration with a foreign object performed under force or the threat of force, or while unconscious)
-Sexual assault
-Aggravated indecent assault (vaginal or anal penetration with a finger or other body part under force or threat of force, or while unconscious)
-Indecent assault (touching a person’s intimate parts for the purposes of arousal without consent, under force or threat of force, or while the person is unconscious), or
Placing another in reasonable fear of immediate serious bodily injury ;
False imprisonment;
Physical or sexual abuse of a child; or
Engaging in a course of conduct or repeatedly committing acts toward another person, including following the person, under circumstances which place the person in reasonable fear of bodily injury. In other words, stalking or harassment that makes you afraid of bodily injury.

Letter below:

Dear _______________,

This correspondence is in regards XXXXX XXXXX frequent and constant communication with (name) and (name) beginning (date) and continuing up to now.

Even though you have been asked to stop repeatedly, you have not, and your communications have grown more threatening. Ergo, demand is hereby made to cease and desist. If you do not, there may be no choice but to:

1) Seek a restraining order under C.G.S. § 46b-15; C.G.S. § 53a-62; and/or
2) To file a criminal complaint for the continuous harassment.

Your communications are requested to stop immediately.




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