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Phillips Esq.
Phillips Esq., Attorney-at-Law
Category: Job
Satisfied Customers: 19625
Experience:  B.A.; M.B.A.; J.D.
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I have a very and sad ( anyway) story but will try to keep

Customer Question

I have a very long and sad (for me anyway) story but will try to keep in short and hit the high points:
In current position for 11 years - LOVED my job and my boss for nine years - boss retired. It has been "understood" for years that I would take his place - was groomed from the time I started. Excellent performance reiviews, increased responsibility, etc. Another applicant was chosen. Disappointed but new boss was great (after I got over my pity party) and I learned a lot from him. He left after only eight months, again passed over for another male (I should mention I work in a male dominated, marine environment) This guy was not qualified in the least for the position. While I resisted his authority for a few months, I finally pulled it together, was honest with him about my resentment and disappointment and since that time we have "gotten along" unlike others in our department. Even so, I actaully despise him - he has reduced me and my coworker from front line managers to his administrative assistants. He speaks to me like I am a 10 year old, inexperienced little girl while I in turn am 10 years older than him and have a BA in HR. He has removed all my personnel responsibilities along with all authority I have had since starting in my job. His boss and his boss support him because he is a male and can talk a good story. My coworker and I have become the emotional, bitter and untrustworthy bitches in the office. We have filed complaints with HR and the human rights office to no avail - Mangement supposrts him 110%. He has made some pretty significant mistakes but turns them around on us because we should have warned him. However when we try to give him feedback, we are ignored. As I said, he likes me and I bend over backwards to stay in his good graces. I am trying to "manage up" but not being very successful. While he believes I am on board with all his new ideas and stratgies because I follow his instruction, I come home most nights in tears. I have developed an ulcer and have begun to drink a lot more than I used to just to be able to cope. I feel like I have sold myself to the devil - especially since my coworker has not cooperated and he has alienated her completely. If she has a job next month, I will be surprised. The really hate each other. And I know she thinks I am not being loyal to her because I am trying to keep my job. We live in a small, isolated island community with few employment options - believe me, I have been looking. I have a great job with great benefits and some job protection. I can't afford to lose it. But I also feel like I am a phony, ass kissing sellout.
How do I keep working for someone I can't stand, who treats me like an inferior being, without feeling like I am being untrue to myself?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Job
Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 2 years ago.

I am sorry to read about your difficulties.

Regrettably, you need to play the office politics for your survival. Eventhough you feel like a sellout, you are doing what you have to do and nothing more regardless of what a co-worker thinks or feels. You have to protect yourself and your own job. Your co-worker's hurt feelings should be the least of your worries.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

You sound like my husband (who is usually right but don't tell him I said that!)

Thanks for that dose of realitySmile

Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 2 years ago.

You are quite Welcome!

Kindly give a positive rating to my response so that I can receive credit for responding to your post.

Thank you very much for your cooperation,

Best wishes,