I live in Alberta - I am in the process of working through…

Thanks for your reply - the answers to your questions – it is rather lengthy.1. Married for 26 years
2. Did not live together prior to the marriage.
3. What is going on now - I will explain this first then give you a bit of a chart outlining our respective incomes. I have worked as an RN for our whole marriage - part-time or casual initially due to employment availability. I maintained casual employment while our 3 children were younger. By 2009, I was employed on a part-time basis as an RN and slowly began in increase my FTE. By the end of our marriage, I was employed full-time. I am currently on medical leave as I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a few months ago. I am not sure when I will return to work. I am exclusively on sick-time (being paid my base salary) at this point, in mid-Feb, I will start long-term disability until I return to work - this will drop me to 2/3 of my salary. About 2006/2007 - I discovered that my spouse was involved in several extra-marital affairs and was a regular user of pornography - both at home and in his workplace. In 2009, he attended a treatment program for a sexual addiction - at this time, I was made aware that his addiction was even more involved than what I knew previously. After treatment, he lost his job but was miraculously offered LT disability while he made a career shift and did some retraining. He returned to school and graduated in 2014 with a Master's Degree. His income during his Master's program was a combination of his disability income, a short stint of part-time work, and then a small payout from his pension plan at his previous job.
Since his graduation, he has been working on establishing a private business and continues to work, self-employed, in that field. His addiction issues came back to haunt him again, and we separated in July 2018 after yet another discovery of inappropriate behavior again. The discovery this time was made by our daughters who then ended up confronting him - an emotionally challenging and traumatizing position for them to be placed into. There is definitely a discrepancy in our incomes at this point. My hesitation and resistance to paying spousal support is related to the question of whether or not he actually even meets the criteria to make a claim, and the fact that much of the difficulty he finds himself in at this point, has been a consequence of his own behaviour that has adversely affected our marriage.
As we are currently in a collaborative agreement - there are several decisions that have already been made with respect to our separation agreement
- our children are over 24, 23, & 19 - no child support discussion needed.
- our youngest is 19 - we have an RESP in place that she can access for support in her post-secondary education.
- I am keeping the matrimonial home and will end up assuming the mortgage for that as well. Since he moved out, I have exclusively paid the taxes, utilities, and maintenance costs of the home.
- Pensions - he was more money in pensions/RRSPs at this point and is agreeable to a payout for the same - at this point, I have agreed to take a post-tax payout as it is the more flexible of the options.
- We have a 2nd recreational property to divide - he has an interest in taking it, I am not interested in ongoing joint ownership. This property was funded largely through an inheritance gift from my parents. I was given farmland, sold it to buy this property. Unfortunately, at the time of the land sale, I placed the money into our joint account and so have lost some of the exemption that I would have been entitled to - now a direct benefit for him.
- Under this option, he owes me a payout. He and his lawyer, are however, continuing to try and pursue a spousal support payout for him which would essentially eliminate his payout to me. I am having huge difficulty accepting this arrangement without an established determination of his eligibility for a support claim. Both our lawyers have acknowledged that our situation is not as clear cut as most.
4. Income Comparisons – Here is an outline of our incomes reaching back to 2009
2009 - Me – 55,000, Spouse – 92,000 (last year with that employer)
2010 – Me – 61,000, Spouse – 70,000 (disability income)
2011 – Me – 73,000 (farm land rental started), Spouse – 75,600 (disability income, approx. 6500 = employment)
2012 – Me – 85,000, 69,000 (approx. 58,000 was pension payout)
2013 – Me – 87,500, Spouse – 0
2014 – Me – 88,000, Spouse – 41,500 (graduated from Master’s program)
2015 – Me – 102,000, Spouse – 27,000
2016 – Me – 104,500, Spouse – don’t have any info
2017 – Me – 111,000 – employment income (additional farm land sale – 210,800 – post capital gains tax), Spouse – no info
2018 – Me – 123,000, Spouse – approx. 45,000 (after expenses)

Probably both - the eligibility for spousal support and what would a court order be. As he is self-employed (as a counsellor) he is dependent on clients being referred or booking with him - he is not always fully booked, has not been since he started his business. We have not asked at this time for a full accounting of his finances. I think his income would be a little higher this year but not really sure as I am not around him at all to see how much he is working. He says that he has applied for other positions - how many I am not sure. A part of the problem with income discrepancy - different industry. While he has a Masters degree in counselling, he is not a psychologist or MSW and can't charge the same amount.

Thanks for your help and the resource - I will look at that. He has told me that he is looking for a way to avoid a payout to me and so has given me an option to think about. I have not yet looked at what that option looks like. I am also considering stepping out of the collaborative arrangement as I don't feel that I can access my lawyer as easily as I would like in this arrangement. I may have more questions as I process this information this week. What I am understanding from you is that in court, only our incomes will be looked at, not the context of events leading up to the marriage breakdown.