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Ulysses101
Ulysses101, Lawyer
Category: Canada Law
Satisfied Customers: 3502
Experience:  11 years experience in Canada family law, plus criminal, civil, and employment
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I previously asked, can i make an agreement with my cheating

Customer Question

I previously asked, can i make an agreement with my cheating wife that if she continues to have a relationship with this guy without my knowledge, i can take away the kids away under her care as we have verbal agreement that she takes the kids while on
the verge of divorce process or even after divorce is final?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Canada Law
Expert:  Ulysses101 replied 1 year ago.

Hello again, thanks for asking for me.

Can you remind me what province you are in?

Are you separated yet?

Have you raised this issue with her?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Province of ontario.We are not separated yet but i stayed in in separate room since i confronted her. Yes she knows that i am going to make an angreement with regards ***** ***** admission and that if she continues to be involve with him or other huy somehow without me knowing it while the kids are under her care in the meantime, only then i take the kids from her. That is roughly the content of the agreement but i have not showed it to her yet. Also will the notary be present it both parties sign?thanks
Expert:  Ulysses101 replied 1 year ago.

OK, just for your information before you get a lawyer of your own, if you and she are separated but still living under the same roof, that can still count as being "separated". Normally, the separating date is when somebody moves out but technically it's day on which the spousal relationship is over. Lots of people live in the same house but separated while they are getting ready to sell house, or to get the kids used to the idea, whatever.

That agreement you're proposing won't fly for a couple of reasons, and I'll tell you why. Firstly you have to promise to discuss this as objectively as possible. In our conversations I'm getting the impression that you're really stinging from this affair. I've seen it before. But you have to set your emotions aside as best you can, and get a lawyer as soon as possible.

How many kids and how old, again? At this point what makes most sense? You moving out and mom and kids staying there?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Kids are about 10 and 5 yrs old. Yes, we are separated in a sense i don't stay in the same room as hers.We have agreed that she stays with the kids and i eventually leave the house.Mutually agreed that she will keep the house and buy me out. My point being putting an agreement or declaration so she stops seing this guy and that if she continues the affair i will get the kids from her. It may sound absurd to stop any relationship she wil do in the future yet she promised to stop seeing this guy but no guarantees that is the reason to bring up this agreement.
Expert:  Ulysses101 replied 1 year ago.

It is an absurd agreement.

You want a commitment that if she gets a boyfriend and doesn't tell you, and if you find out later, then custody reverts to you. That makes no sense and doesn't address the best interests of the children. That agreement makes you look angry, vengeful, and controlling.

The affair is ancient history now. You have to get over it. The affair doesn't affect custody and time sharing issues. At all.

You can't realistically hold her to her promise to stop seeing the guy, and once your well and truly separated she can do whatever she wants with her personal life as long as she's doing a decent job as a mother.

This agreement, if signed, will obviously be done without any independent legal advice to her because no lawyer would tell her to sign it. Then again, maybe they would say "go ahead and sign it, because it's entirely unenforceable and no judge will change custody of the children to dad just because you got a boyfriend".

I'm trying not to be harsh, but you need to give your head a serious shake, here.

I'll await your reply. I know that there's a lot on your mind, and I'm not judging you or your situation. But you're nothing thinking straight.

If I've answered your question then I'd appreciate positive rating, but I expect that you'll reply which is perfectly fine.

Ulysses

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