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It is not possible to sue your spouse over this. First, when there is a divorce you need to go through Family Court for all issues. But, in any event, you were aware of it and did not stop her so you have no basis for suing your wife.
If the daughter was to pay the money back and has not you can sue her. This is a lot of money and you have to sue her in Superior Court and so you would need to retain a lawyer.
In terms of the division of assets, if you could show that your wife dissipated the family assets by constantly lending money to her daughter that wasn't being paid back and harming your own financial situation as a result it may be that the court will say it is not fair for you to share equally in all of the assets and debts and the court may redress the situation to some extent. Unfortunately, because you agreed to this and let this go on for 12 years your case is not that strong but you may succeed.
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