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Debra, Lawyer
Category: Canada Law
Satisfied Customers: 101379
Experience:  Lawyer
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As of now my ex and I have shared custody, my kids maternal

Customer Question

As of now my ex and I have shared custody, my kids maternal grandparents are visiting my ex, they will stay with them for 1 month. My 12 year old daughter was insisting she wants to stay with her mom and grandparents while they are here. I m worried if
I let my daughter stay away from me for 1 month, my ex may use this opportunity to make case for sole custody. I don't want to lose shared custody. I am not sure if I am worrying too much.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Canada Law
Expert:  Debra replied 2 years ago.
You can discuss this with your ex and say that you can see your daughter doesn't want to lose any time with her grandparents and so you are happy to agree for her to stay with her for the month but you want a confirmation in writing that she will agree to reciprocate at some time when you ask for extra time to make up for this lost time. That may make her see it is a trade off and that is all. But the truth is that at 12 you cannot really force your child to live one place or the other at this point really and so it will become more about what your child wants and so perhaps that is what you need to think about. Will she want to stay there after the month? I would think not if things have been working well and are a routine but it is something to consider.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes my daughter is turning 12 and my son is 6, my daughter is stressed out with shared custody arrangements while my son is getting use to. Since last 1 month my daughter repeatedly argued with me she wants to stay at 1 place instead of changing place back n forth. She was of opinion let mom get fully custody and she was asking me to visit her often.My son wants to spend time with both parentsI have noticed my daughter's aggression recently, I m worried this could be my ex conspiracy to build the case of sole custody.Does my daughter wish matters on custody. IF I lose her custody , I may have to give up my son's custody too who is attached to me.
Expert:  Debra replied 2 years ago.
Yes, by the age of 12 your daughter's wishes would be given considerable weight by a court, and as she gets older the court would give her wishes even more weight. If you can prove that the mother is manipulating your daughter to feel this way then you might be able to get a court to make an order against the child's wishes because then you have a case of parental alienation. Whether you would lose joint custody of your son would depend on how he would do with his sister not with him for part of the time. So a court would have to analyze the facts to determine what is in the best interest of your six year old. It may be that in a case where you suspect that the mother is manipulating the child and then you find that she is then seeking sole custody of a child that it would be good for you to apply to the court for an order for a custody/access assessment. That is where a psychologist would get to know both parents and both children and where your daughter's voice would be heard in a safe setting. Then, the psychologist would provide a report that would be relied upon by the court. The psychologist who is trained in doing these assessments would be able to report on whether the child is being manipulated by her mother.
Expert:  Debra replied 1 year ago.
I am not able to speak to you on the telephone. I know the site offers this service but the site is based in the US. In Canada my law society prohibits me from speaking on the phone with you because you are not my client.May I go ahead and answer by posting on the site?