my husband claims he will be divorcing me. how do i know how…

Hello,

You're going to need to retain a family lawyer because my primary concern is that - not being represented - you're not going to receive the play-by-play advice you need throughout the process, there are a couple of options that I will mention at the end.

Spousal Support:
With respect to spousal support. It is almost impossible to calculate or even estimate without being in the actual case itself (because it requires getting full financial disclosures on both sides and calculating what the "net family assets" are and how they are to be split).

The issue of infidelity does not factor into calculating division of assets or spousal support at all so it will not give you an advantage in that regard.

Child Custody, Support and Visitation
These issues are matters which will need to be negotiated or failing that be determined by a judge (as I suspect may be the case in this matter since I suspect there will be a fight on these issues based on your inquiry).

For custody, you will need to establish that he is unfit as a parent and, based on the child's age, absent a finding of unfitness on your part there would be a presumption in your favor.

Child support is calculated based primarily on the "Schedules" which factor in the payor-parent's income and the needs of the child. If the child has special needs Judges would factor that in above the Schedule amounts. Child support is both legally and financially separate from spousal support and is deemed to be the property of the child (though administered by the custodial parent until the child become emancipated either by court order or by reaching the age of majority).

Visitation is touchy and you really would need to be in front of a judge and have some really good - conclusive - evidence on your side to either have it denied or so restricted as to require supervised visitation. You not only would have to prove unfitness to be a custodial parent but some level of risk to the child's physical or mental well being. Generally a fairly tall order to prove though not impossible. I would, however, recommend evaluating this issue with a very clear head and looking at it as a separate issue from your divorce and the marital breakdown (because the court will, in fact, look at it as a separate issue).

Infidelity
Canada, as in most westernized countries, does not take a punitive approach to divorces. As such there is no "penalty" for infidelity in that a spouse who committed adultery will not be fined, will not lose (or be made to pay) more property, assets or money upon the dissolution of the marriage or would not have to pay more in spousal support as a result of the adultery.

The only way that courts look at infidelity is with respect to the time-frame for receiving a divorce: In a typical situation where a divorce simply breaks down for various reasons (excluding abuse, abandonment or adultery) Courts require a one-year separation period before a divorce may be granted. Where, however Abuse, Abandonment or Adultery can be proven (circumstantial evidence and proof by a "balance of probabilities" [rather than the standard for criminal trials of "beyond a reasonable doubt"]) a divorce may be granted without having to wait.

So in your case you can file - and obtain - a divorce without having to wait the year provided you can agree on the terms of the separation.


Getting representation.
As you know Lawyers can be expensive -- fact is the practice of law for lawyers is very expensive and all lawyers have to sell is their expertise (which is expensive to obtain) -- so, therefore, the costs are transferred to the client. However, not all lawyers charge the same fees and you can find an experienced Family Lawyer that's local to you and that you can be comfortable with that can be more affordable.

Lawyers are NOT, however, permitted to represent family cases on a contingency so the payment will always hourly, flat-fee based or some sort of hybrid of the two.

So, my first recommendation is to get a few recommendations from the Alberta Law Society's Lawyer Referral Service for local family lawyers. (see:http://www.lawsocietyalberta.com/publicservices/lawyerReferralService.cfm)

If, after going through that process you still can't find someone you can try JusticeNet.ca. It is a service that was created to bridge the gap between legal aid and full legal fees. You would need to qualify financially but, if you do, the lawyers who are on the system have agreed to reduce their rates to between $100-$150/hr (which is often less than 1/3 of their usual rates) depending on your particular situation.

I would also highly recommend reaching out to a support group. While your lawyer can help provide some advice from a legal standpoint, you'll also need support personally and there are many organizations out there that can be helpful dealing with the entire process.

I can tell you that you'll need to prepare for a bit of a long haul with this process (though it may proceed quickly, it is not uncommon for these cases to go on for years) and be very patient and consistent in your expectations but that, despite it all, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Best wishes,