Similar situation to one I read here. I am a former stay at…

Question

Similar situation to one I read here. I am a former stay at home mom who left
her husband. Ex makes 6 figures, has a haphazard work schedule but has enforced
50/50 custody up to now. 3 counsellors have seen us and have said he has a
personality disorder and what he is doing is not in the best interest of my
child. He holds our matrimonial home and all it's contents hostage, is currently
paying child support and spousal because he's more afraid of retroactively being
smacked by a court for not and refuses mediation. Should I scrape together every
last available penny I have, indebt myself to get myself into court and have a
judge take a stab at it? I would think any judge would find his behaviour
totally unacceptable. I supported his career by living overseas, I was a full
time Mom and our daughter is suffering with this new 50/50 arrangement and he
holds all our assets hostage because he's vindictive and mean. Please give me
some advice. My lawyer suggested mediation and booking a court date just in
case.

Debra · Accepted Answer

Chat Conversation Started
debra thal :

I cannot know if you should just go to Court or not.

It's always a last resort.

If you cannot mediate in a meaningful way because he won't really do it then
it's throwing money away unless you can at least resolved some of the oustanding
issues.

Why not ask your lawyer about arbitration? This is binding but much, much
cheaper than Court.

It's really more like private Court and can be set up anyway you both agree to
so it can be like a full-blown trial, or it can be done in a more summary way by
perhaps just some limited testimony and then written briefs prepared by the
lawyers.

Does that make sense?

Also, in terms of the best interests of your child I would suggest asking your
lawyer about having a custody/access assessment done. That way a professional
can provide evidence as to what's best for your child.

Customer:

mediate in a meaningful way...his version is that he keeps 75% of our
matrimonial home asset, doesnt pay spousal and halves his child support. He is
the most unyeilding person you can imagine. My lawyer had said I have a good
chance in court as I have a need and compensatory based support argument.
Professional counsellors have told his lawyer that he is not acting in my
child's best interest and I've held off on a C/A assessment due to the expense.
I suppose compared to court it will be cheaper.

Customer:

I will ask about arbitration if it seems mediation is just going to be a waste
of time. who would be an arbitrator? lawyer? judge?

Customer:

also, his big hype is about me finding a job. I was living overseas until we
came home. I've been looking for work but to no avail. I need to go back to
school to become employable. I supported his career driven aspirations for four
years in a place I hated I think I should be allowed at least 3 years to get
myself into a career that I can manage long term. How far can he push this 'get
a job now' business and will it look bad for me if I dont get one asap?

Customer:

ok I have and will continue to do so. I am worried that if I ask to go back to
school he will see this as somehow trying to prolong spousal supprt but as I say
my lawyer says given our length of marriage and our unique situation I have a
case based both in need and compensatory. would full time school suffice as
actively being engaged in full time improvement for my future
employment/financial situation?

debra thal :

There's no way of knowing for sure but it sounds like it.

Customer:

also, one last question. He is an international airline pilot that works three
days here, five days home, eight days away, three days home and he doesnt know
his schedule from one month to the next and thus this is how my daughter is
living...no rhyme or reason to her life; if he's home he demands her and she is
living like a travelling salesman. He has totally manipulated and indoctrinated
her that this is a normal way to live and 50/50 NO MATTER WHAT...she is 7 yrs
old. It's killing me to see her bitten fingernails, her stress issues at school.
Her teachers have tried to tell him she needs more stability but he has said he
will fight to the death to keep 50/50 and I believe he will.

debra thal :

Then you may need that assessment.

debra thal :

It can be a Court ordered one and then you would both have to split it.

debra thal :

The fees I mean. Sorry. I am trying to type fast.

Customer:

ok thank you for your help, I truly appreciate it.

debra thal :

You are welcome.

Please click accept so that I can receive credit for providing you with this
information.

Customer:

will do, thank you.

Similar situation to one I read here. I am a former stay at…

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