I have been married since Nov 2003 and have caught my husband…

OK Candace.

Regarding moving out of the home, you won't lose everything if you do. If you separate, the date that you separated is the "valuation date" on which you and your husband cease to be a financial unit. You are entitled (as a starting point) to half of the equity in the Matrimonial Home if it's owned, and to half of the Net Family Property which is essentially the growth in your joint wealth while you two were together. So if you move out you aren't losing any claim to any goods or to the value of any goods.

People can live "separate and apart" but under the same roof for economic reasons. It happens all the time. If you want to separate but not move out, you can do that. However it's uncomfortable for both parties to keep that up for very long for obvious reasons. Still, if you can stand to be in the same home while you're negotiating a separation agreement to cover property division issues, and in your case spousal support, that's an option.

There's no such thing as filing for a legal separation. You are separated on the date when it's clear to both of you that the spousal relationship is over. Just to avoid the argument, you could both sign something acknowledging the separation date, even if you intend to reside together for a short period after that. Thus there's very little you can do in advance of separating. You'd need a real emergency before you can go to court for an order for support and property division without giving him notice of the court date. It is possible to do that and claim exclusive possession of the matrimonial home which would force him to move out, but you'd have to show that you're in danger from him and/or there's a serious risk that he'd deplete the family property on purpose.

You can speak to a lawyer without him knowing. Go to your nearest family court and see duty counsel. They are there to help people without lawyers for basic information and help with paperwork. If you can't leave your home I doubt you'll be able to get any legal help that will come to see you at no charge. You could call your nearest Legal Aid office to see if you can make a telephone appointment with the Duty Counsel Supervisor if there's one in your jurisdiction.

I think that some marriage counselling might help you two. If you can't easily leave the home while trying to work things out, then that's your best option. If that doesn't work then the two of you could try to see a mediator to draw up a contract for you. That would keep things out of court and wouldn't cost all that much. If your husband makes that much money then you are definitely entitled to spousal support given your condition.

I hope that this helps as a starting point, Candace. Good luck.

Ulysses

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