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My wife left me and now wants spousal support me 53 ($111K…

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My wife left me and...
My wife left me and now wants spousal support
me 53 ($111K salary), her 51 ($39K) - she took 8 years off work to care for kids
married 25 years
one kid 16, one kid 13 - shared custody - one week on one week off
Assets: Equity in house, RRSP, Assets, Furniture, 2 cars
Proposition
She gets half of all assets and equity in house which we had to sell
she gets child support until kids finish post secondary
I want to do a lump sum payment and not make spousal support payments - be done with it all - She get $80,000 as a lump sum - I don't like the idea of her getting half of my income for the rest of my life and I want to earn more down the road
Is this fair ?
If I give her $80K of my share of the house equity and then she walks away with $160K more than me plus child support for many years to come - that would amount to around $250K after tax dollars in total she would get
I need second opinion - seems like divorcemate says this is about right but doesn't feel right - how would you approach this ? Do you just use DivorceMate and mid range as well ? Would I do better in front of a judge ? The system really doesn't favor hard working fathers who provided well and then their wives had an affair and then they lose everything.
To draw up a separation agreement outlining this, would a mediator be fine or should I get my own lawyer for this ?
Thanks !!
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Canada Family Law
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Answered in 4 minutes by:
3/3/2016
Family Lawyer: Legal Ease, Lawyer replied 2 years ago
Legal Ease
Legal Ease, Lawyer
Category: Canada Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 106,001
Experience: I am a practicing lawyer and have also been an online professional for 5 years.
Verified

I am sorry for this difficult situation.

I can explain the law but cannot provide legal advice or my opinion at all.

Is that OK for a starting point?

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
I am seeking the professional opinion of someone who knows the law and can help advise me - is this a good choice for me or not ? Lump Sum payout vs.monthly payments for many years to come which will be very difficult
Family Lawyer: Legal Ease, Lawyer replied 2 years ago

I won't give my opinion. You can only get actual legal advice or an opinion from a lawyer that is your own lawyer. Lawyer's on this site cannot provide legal advice as it is unlawful to do so online and when the customer is not your client.

There are pros and cons to paying a lump sum.

The pros are there is certainty, there is a clean break, there is no returning to court or mediation when things change.

The cons are that there is no tax break (when there is a periodic payment you would deduct all payments from your taxes for tax purposes, if your spouse dies soon you have paid too much, if she marries soon you've paid too much etc. As well, she keeps the money even if she gets a better job and earns a lot more etc.

You most assuredly need to have a lawyer do the separation agreement and you both need independent legal advice or the contract may not stand up in court if it is challenged. A mediator can help you come to an agreement and even help draft it but you would both still need to get independent legal advice.

We rely on divorcemate and generally consider the mid-range.

If you each have the children half the time then you would pay less support as you would take what you would pay if she had the children full-time and subtract from that what she would pay if you had the children full-time. If the support is periodic then that spousal support would be included in her income and so she would pay more child support and pay more toward the section 7 expenses as well so that is another con to the lump sum payment.

Does that help?

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
I'm sorry then - I wanted more direction and opinion - I assumed that since was kind of anonymous I could get that - I thought you were my lawyer for this question - I think I misunderstood how this works - I know the pros and cons - I run them through my head everyday
Family Lawyer: Legal Ease, Lawyer replied 2 years ago

It is not possible for me to be your lawyer.

I would need to identify you and do a conflict search and you would have to retain me.

But aside from all of that, there is no way that any responsible lawyer could advise you without sitting down with you, going over all the details in terms of your financial situation, your work history and hers, what your educational levels are, what you expect your kids to do later on, and the whole history of your marriage.

Family law is highly complex and even family lawyers retain other family lawyers to represent them if they go through a marital breakdown.

And even there, there are just no guarantees. What is clear is that going to court is very expensive and there is a risk you will not get what you want. Mediation is therefore often much better. It is cheaper, faster and if you come to an agreement then there is some certainty.

But it is not even advisable to go to mediation without a lawyer.

And to be honest, it is not the least bit advisable to try and figure out what is best either on your own or through the Internet. The consequences are just too serious. It is risky to proceed without your own lawyer, at least for some initial advice and then for the agreement.

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Hi, please opt out from this question page, I want an answer from a different Expert. thank you!
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 2 years ago
ulysses101
ulysses101, Lawyer
Category: Canada Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 3,757
Experience: Over 10 years litigation experience in family, criminal, and civil law
Verified

Hello, I'll try to help you. I'll need a bit to review what's already gone before.

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Ok Thanks
I need a professional opinion of what to do next
pay the $80K to be done with her - it's cash with no tax break for me
Lump sum allows me to make more money without being scrutinized - also piece of mind from not having to deal with her in that respect ever again
I am getting older in the IT world however and if I lost my job I might have a salary of $85K in a few years so then I may be overpaying
I think if I had to pay monthly forever with no end date due to our age and how long we were married I would go nuts and my ambition would dwindle and I would be happy making next to nothing - kids would suffer in the end but I would travel and enjoy early retirement
I just hate the fact she ends up with $410K cash and me with $250K cash ($160K difference) and I still have to pay child support for years to come - just seems wrong
Thanks
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 2 years ago

I've read through it all, and I have to agree with the previous expert. The site is for legal information, not legal advice/opinion upon which you are entitled to rely as if you had retained legal counsel.

Everything the other expert told you is accurate, and is as much as you can expect to get from the site.

There's a lot at stake here. Please get a lawyer. There's too much on the table to try to do this yourself or do on the cheap. As you said, this is about your income/support obligations which might last for decades.

I won't ask you to accept or rate the service. You should ask the site for your deposit back.

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thanks :) have a great day
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