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Canada Family Law

My name is ***** ***** you there
, ok hmmmmmm divorced

Customer Question
hi my name is...
hi my name is ***** ***** you there
JA: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?
Customer: ok hmmmmmm divorced since(###) ###-####my ex left me when my kids were 1.5 years old and 3 he moved to vegas with his gf he took me back to court and the lawyer told him to get a job as he doesn't work or everything is under the table he lives now with a girlfriend who pays for everything he owes 60,000 in child support and has FMEP on him he is stalking me now constantly talking to our kids about them moving in with him they are 12 and 10 if they go there - they will be lost he doesn't pay attention to the daughter and all he focuses on is the son he constantly berates me bullies me and send me these texts my question(S) are: their primary residence is with me - but joint custody with liberal access he does not do homework with them he does drugs not a good influence thinks poker is a good living he put me 100,000 in debt and owes child support
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Submitted: 1 year ago.Category: Canada Family Law
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Answered in 17 minutes by:
1/29/2016
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago
ulysses101
ulysses101, Lawyer
Category: Canada Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 3,666
Experience: Over 10 years litigation experience in family, criminal, and civil law
Verified

Hello, thank you for the question.

I assume that the children are with you now. What province are you in?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
they do he has them alternating weekends
Bc
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

I see. So he has them regularly, and you have joint custody.

How does that work with you two in different countries? I know that you're not that far apart physically. But it is unusual.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
He is bc too
Lives 25 minutes away
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Now I'm confused.

So he's now back in BC, right?

He's in arrears. What is your question, exactly? I'm not trying to be dense but I want to know what you need help with.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
back from Vegas
My question is- when do kids have a choice to move to their dads
is there a way to stop him from bullying and harassing me?
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Thanks for that, now we're getting to the heart of it.

Let's pretend that I'm a judge and that you're the lawyer for your ex. How is it in the children's best interests to live there? Give it some thought, and be objective. That's what lawyers do.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
To live with bob?
Judge will say kids deserve both parents
However, he has not been able to financially support the kids
With 60,000 owing in child payments
Doesn't do homework with them
Teaches them about poker
Let's them stay up all hours of the night
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

That's a good start, but the arrears don't count because it's between the parents. How might the children's lives be made better by living with dad than with you?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hmmmm
He doesn't work I am a principal
I pay for everything already - he doesn't
I have college funds for them he doesn'tIf they move there they will have free reign of the house
No curfew
Son will get all attention as daughter does the cleaning of house and cooking
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
The only positive thing might be they see how he is with girlfriend and how a man should treat a women
He is modelling that working does not matter
Drugs are ok
Education does not matter
Hockey is most important
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Any mud you can throw, counsel? What about mom's lifestyle? Any drugs or alcohol there, or mental health issues, or criminal activity, or involvement of the child welfare authorities? That's good evidence. Is her boyfriend abusive? Does she leave the kids with a babysitter a lot?

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Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

We're anonymous here. What could he use against you?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
My lifestyle is fine
No sitters a lot
We drink but not a lot
My husband is awesomeHis gf does drugs
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
What can we use against me ?
Work too much( still paying off his bills)
I put family first so sometimes we miss hockey to go out for family dinners or getaways
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
U still there
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Then I don't think that you have anything to worry about.

You asked when children get to make the decision, and the simple answer is "never". They aren't parties to the litigation and they are minors,

I've done work for my provincial Children's Lawyer office so I know what I'm talking about. Everyone thinks that age 12 or whatever that children can choose. They can't. At certain ages, children's consent is needed for adoption and at a certain age (12) they can be charged with criminal offenses. But they never have the right to say what the custody and access regime should be, unless the court gives them that specific right.

Having said that, when the kids are getting older the court may well want to know what the kids want, and why, and how firmly they want it, and whether they are being influenced. That's where your provincial Children's Lawyer can be called upon to send a lawyer or social worker to interview the kids and look into it.

You're clearly worried about the kids saying that they want to live with him. This is a good opportunity to tell the kids that it's not up to them, rather up to mom and dad. Father might have told then that they can go him if they want, but it's time to tell dad and the kids that this is simply not true. If you have a lawyer, have them write to dad and tell him to knock it off.

It's true that as children get more mature and more wise that the court will want to know what they want, and after a certain age (depending on the child and the circumstances) the court knows that it can't make the child do anything that the child is adamant against. But you're not there yet. It's rare for a court to leave even access up to the child at age twelve.

In fact, depending on your evidence you could use this as why you should have sole custody. It's not in the children's best interests for dad to be saying to them that they have the right to choose.

As you may have heard, children have a voice but not the choice.

Yes, I'm here. I've been typing. I know that the site is set up like a messenger, but you can't see when I'm typing.

Dad is pretty clearly trying to put pressure on you about his arrears.

Comment or question?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
That is brilliant
Thank you
How can I talk to you again if I have problems?
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

That depends. Do you have a subscription, or did you pay to start this one question thread?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Pay for question
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

OK. You have an account with the site obviously. You can come back any time and pay the site for a new question if you like. If you think that you might like to use this site a lot (and there are mechanics and doctors and vets and wedding planners and whatever here) then you should look at a subscription. I'm not a site employee and I get no kickback, but getting a subscription is a good value if you use it.

For now, I'm going to ask you to rate the service positively. That's how we experts get credit for helping you. I'm not a site employee, I'm at home in my kitchen making cookie batter at the moment. I do this part time because I like helping people. I have my own private practise, and I like earning some money here to spend on ebay for my son's collectibles.

Whether you have a subscription or not, if you come back with a Canada Law question, you can start off with Dear Ulysses and the other experts will leave it for my attention. If I'm busy or away, someone will ask you if they can help you instead I'm sure.

And if you're really happy, I do like getting a bonus. The site and I are here to make a buck of course.

Is there anything else to discuss about your topic?

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Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Anything new from your ex? What are the kids saying? I was thinking about your matter today.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Kids are there
He talked to them Again Thursday night
Priding them
Then suggested it's time you move in with me
Such leading questions
My kids and I are awesome
But with him he starts persuading them
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Thank you for thinking of us
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

I was looking over my open question threads and saw yours, it reminded me of your "views of the children issue". Have you talked to your ex about this yet? The kids should be left out of it.

I've seen this a lot, as soon as the parents use the kids as messengers or leave it up to them, because the parents don't want to deal with each other, it all falls apart. The kids are in the middle.

I thought that you might by now have talked to your ex by now about the role and input of the kids. Nothing new?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I have told him to not involve kids
I have told kids they have no chocolate so when their father approaches them..., I said I'm sorry
He shouldn't be
It's between parents
It shouldn't involve them
But he puts them in the middle
Asks them leading questions - such as how is your mom
She was mad right
How did you feel
Angry right
I will talk to her
Talk to her now.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
He is definaly using kids as messengers - leading them
My older daughter doesn't want to go there.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
My son is so brainwashed by his father - his dad showed up last week - January 21 to talk to Kaleb how bad he played on hockey last night - my son wS in teTs for twenty minutes my ex betTed him at school
My daughter saw this!!!
My ex dOes this all the time
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
My son won't even get his hair. It without his father knowing because he gets mad at him
His dad wants it long
3 weeks ago there were do many knots in his hair I said we need to cut/ my son went into defensive tantrum
Bob will Get mad
Please non
Bob mad.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
U there
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

I'm here. Sorry, I was away from this tab for a bit. Reading now...

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Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

It sounds like the situation is getting worse. As I wrote earlier, this is solid grounds for seeking sole custody. If you don't have a lawyer yet, I think it's time to get one. It's clear that the kids are suffering by this conflict between the parents, right?

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Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

Are you around?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hi!!!!
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

I'm wondering if we have anything else to talk about?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Not yet..... My kids come bCk tomorrow so possibly then!!
Family Lawyer: ulysses101, Lawyer replied 1 year ago

OK, I'm wondering if there's anything further to talk about regarding your initial question. We've talked about what dad should and shouldn't be doing, and how the kids don't have the power to choose the custody/access regime.

Was there anything else? If not, may I have that service rating please?

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ulysses101
ulysses101
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Category: Canada Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 3,666
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Experience: Over 10 years litigation experience in family, criminal, and civil law

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