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Legal Ease
Legal Ease, Lawyer
Category: Canada Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 101005
Experience:  I am a practicing lawyer and have also been an online professional for 5 years.
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My 14 year old twins were at a backyard wedding last weekend

Customer Question

My 14 year old twins were at a backyard wedding last weekend with their mother. After the wedding their mother publicly had sex with her first cousin behind a bush. Everyone at the wedding was aware. Including the children. Naturally, drama unfolded and the aunt got into a fist fight. Another Aunt removed the children from the wedding. No one is aware that my wife of 13 years and I "know". The mother has full custody, but the children go back and forth between the two homes as we live a 10 minute walk apart. The topic of hanging the court order, has always upset the mother to the point of hurting the children emotionally, so we haven't. The mother also has a 23 year old boyfriend... She is 33. She has also been married to another woman, who just recently transgendered. She flops between men and women and has several upsetting break ups for the kids. (Inconsistancy is the issue, not the gaypart, my sister in law is gay, I played for a gay baseball team, my wife DJ'd the first gay wedding...etc.) Now, we need to know if we can keep the kids. They want to live here. They have recently told us that they sat their mother down to discuss her alcohol problem. We were unaware their was one. This is a last straw. We feel morally, we have an emergency, an obligation, to get the kids away from her until she gets help. They are 14, they will want to stay with us. Can we keep them? What will the police do? The poor kids have their first day of highschool ttuesday. This is all too much for them. Please advise.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Canada Family Law
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 2 years ago.

What province is this please?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 2 years ago.

At 14 your daughters' wishes are really almost all that matters. While they cannot legally choose where to live until they turn 18 there is really no way for the mother to force them to live with her.

The police will not force them to live with their mother. If she calls them they will come over to meet the girls and make sure they are OK and that they want to stay with you but that is all they will do. Even if there is a court order the girls are too old to be dragged to their mother's house.

If this ends up in court the court will not make an order against the wishes of 14 year old girls. The Judge knows that the order could not be enforced and studies have shown that is it almost always in the best interests of children of that age to allow them to live with whom they want to live.

So as long as it is not you that is breaching a court order, but that this is coming from the girls, you will not be criticized in any way.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Are there any legal steps we should take after they have "chosen" to live with us? Should we get it tidied with the legal system,, or just leave well enough alone? The mother currently gets child support from us, as well as the baby bonus and child tax benefit... We honestly don't care about the money at all, because it would literally "break her" to lose this financial support. She would lose her house, and as a result, sink deeper into moral despair. Our idea is not to wound her, but to get the kids away from the corruption, and hopefully her help. If we go to court and it changes to us having full custody, the financial support would stop for her, no? Basically, I am asking, will there be repercussions, and can the kids just continue to say "We want to live with Daddy"... Also we fear she might try to blind sight them by picking them up after school and guilting them. Is there a measure we could take for supervised visitation, so she can't co-erce them? They are just children and they do love their mom. I fear that under duress though, they may crack, or be more emotionally wounded than they are.
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 2 years ago.

You can apply to court for sole custody with supervised access but would only succeed if you can prove they will be in danger without the access being supervised.

If they live with you she has to pay you child support. You can refuse this of course but she can be told that if you have to go to court for custody you will seek child support from her.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you very much.
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 2 years ago.

You are very welcome.

Take good care.