Autism
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Answered in 36 minutes by:
11/25/2012
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Autism
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: Experience in diagnosis and treatment of adults and children with ASD.
VerifiedHello and thank you for being such a loyal JA/Pearl Customer,
This is a great and important question if you are considering a serious relationship. Many partners in a long term relationship with an adult with autism or asperger syndrome find that their role is one of "executive secretary". The person with AS, although intelligent, can be emotionally immature and require the support similar to an adolescent. The partner, then, must be available and willing to provide this support as well as help him organize his life (I.e., schedule, living space, etc).....hence executive secretary. Although, some have such OCD tendencies that the opposite occurs....too neat and compulsive....which can also be difficult to adjust too.
The other difficulty is related to the lack of emotional support that the AS person can give a partner. There may be no emotional reciprocity and so no empathy for your wants and needs. Sometimes they are so engrossed in their special interest, that they may also lack the time to give another.
This is not to say that the relationship is doomed. Some couples have found a way to make it work (remember the AS person will not change). Here is a book written by a man with AS and the development of his marriage. I highly recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=journal%20of%20best%20practices%20aspergers%20test&index=blended&link_code=qs&sourceid=Mozilla-search&tag=mozilla-20
I hope this helps...Warm regards
This is a great and important question if you are considering a serious relationship. Many partners in a long term relationship with an adult with autism or asperger syndrome find that their role is one of "executive secretary". The person with AS, although intelligent, can be emotionally immature and require the support similar to an adolescent. The partner, then, must be available and willing to provide this support as well as help him organize his life (I.e., schedule, living space, etc).....hence executive secretary. Although, some have such OCD tendencies that the opposite occurs....too neat and compulsive....which can also be difficult to adjust too.
The other difficulty is related to the lack of emotional support that the AS person can give a partner. There may be no emotional reciprocity and so no empathy for your wants and needs. Sometimes they are so engrossed in their special interest, that they may also lack the time to give another.
This is not to say that the relationship is doomed. Some couples have found a way to make it work (remember the AS person will not change). Here is a book written by a man with AS and the development of his marriage. I highly recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=journal%20of%20best%20practices%20aspergers%20test&index=blended&link_code=qs&sourceid=Mozilla-search&tag=mozilla-20
I hope this helps...Warm regards
Hi again Ada,
It sounds like he is adjusting and accommodating to his difficulties. It is my experience that the IQ is a variable that helps to determine adjustment. I had to laugh when I got to your bot***** *****ne about addictive because as I was reading your text above I was thinking : "I hope she is not his current obsession". This can happen in the beginning of a relationship but does not always last. All that attention is often what pulls a partner into a relationship.
I would just be cautiously optimistic about this relationship and that book should help him if it does get more serious.
It sounds like he is adjusting and accommodating to his difficulties. It is my experience that the IQ is a variable that helps to determine adjustment. I had to laugh when I got to your bot***** *****ne about addictive because as I was reading your text above I was thinking : "I hope she is not his current obsession". This can happen in the beginning of a relationship but does not always last. All that attention is often what pulls a partner into a relationship.
I would just be cautiously optimistic about this relationship and that book should help him if it does get more serious.
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Autism
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: Experience in diagnosis and treatment of adults and children with ASD.
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