I meant to copy that chat but signed off by mistake. Any…

Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Hello. My name is ***** ***** I would like to help you.Customer: Hi Stephanie Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Hi there! Please tell me more about the symptoms that have led you to believe that your son has Asperger's.Customer: Highly intelligent. Intense concentration on a single subject. Holds vast amounts of detailed information on many subjects. Socially inept. Can become very frustrated and angry in some circumstances. Tends to shut out advice that he dislikes. As a child tended to hide from social contact. As a teenager violent if frustrated. Once spent a year in his own room cut off from all contact with anybody. Dropped out of school at 16 with 9 good subject scores. No further study until he took up Judaism in 2000. Took a long time to convert because of procedural difficulties. Has just completed the first two years of a full time distance Degree in bio chemistry while learning Hebrew and completing conversion.Customer: During the first year of the OU degree course he was also working full time! Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : In terms of social interactions, when he would communicate with people, was he able to hold a conversation in wide range of topics including those that were not his specific interests or would he turn the conversations to make them about him and what he likes to talk about or do? Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It sounds like he took on quite a bit all at once. That can bring on a lot of stress and anxiety.Customer: Conversations tended to turn into lectures by him, in detail. However he could be more casually social in twenties with drinking companions.Customer: He cud handle a wide range of topics from a large pool of general knowledgeCustomer: Many of these characteristics have been in the family going back theCustomer: three generations to my knowledge. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Based on your response, he could converse on topics, but there was little give and take or reciprocal interaction in the conversation. Is this correct?Customer: Yes Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Did he insist on routines being followed? Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Would he complain or melt down if things did not happen as expected?Customer: Have you ever met a convert to Judaism? They are impossible. The general answer is yes. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : :-) Ok.Customer: WE thought the strict rules of Judaism would help him and to some extent they have, although making some of the symptoms even worse. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Based on what you've shared, your suspicions may be correct regarding the possibility of Asperger's. What type of treatment is he currently receiving.Customer: Both, depending on circumstances. He was getting a lot better in the past 2-3 years. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Is he in therapy of some sort or seeing a psychiatrist?Customer: When he finally started work after the 3 years when he was not operational he imposed rules on his workplace by designing procedures for the jobs he was doing. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It makes sense, even it may be obnoxious, since structure would help to perform better on the job. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Is he still employed?Customer: Sorry missed those questions. He is currently in a crisis following the birth of their baby four weeks ago. He has been seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist and counsellors. He has been put on various fairly fierce sounding drugs now reduced to ttranquillisers. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : His wife is now seeking assistance from you regarding his condition. Is this correct?Customer: When he emigrated to Israel he went to a religious college to study and learn Hebrew. He was also doing the OU course and a course in technical writing. When he married he started doingcasual domestic cleaning work. and is still doing it.Customer: Yes, what with the new baby, her twogirls from a previous marriage, who live with them and her two boys from another marriage who are visiting for four weeks during the holidays she is ggetiing a bit desperate, as is he and I am not surprised. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Yes, the number of people in a small space with a new baby would be stressful for just about anyone and given your son's desire for structure it makes sense that the situation could be aggravating any psychological symptoms he is experiencing related to the possible diagnosis of Asperger's. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Have the doctors diagnosed him with anything yet or are they just treating symptoms with medication?Customer: As far as I know they have not diagnosed him so far and are just giving him medication.We have never told him about the possibility of him being Asperger's although my wife mentioned it to him once. I am wondering whether we should now tell him and do our best to get him the treatment he obviously needs. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It may speed up the process of getting an official diagnosis one way or the other. When your wife mentioned it previously, how did he respond?Customer: One other stress factor in his marriage is that his wife and her two daughters are French speaking. In her case she used to be an English teacher, so no problem. The two boys have an Irish father so communications there should be OK. They are younger that the girls. However control is difficult if three of the household speak a different language.Customer: He asked if it was a disease and shrugged it off when she said not. He may well have checkedit on his own Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Since the topic has already been brought up in the past, you may want to go ahead and bring it up again with your son and his wife noting the symptoms that you have observed that have led you to believe he may indeed have Asperger's and suggest that they share this with his treatment team.Customer: I wondered about suggesting that he study the short course unit that is offered by the Open University but he seemed to be getting better and I did not want to disturb things. http://www3.open.ac.uk/study/undergraduate/course/sk124.htm Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : That may also be an avenue which will allow him to come to his own conclusions as to whether he has Asperger's or not. Since he is already receiving treatment, now may be the best time to bring these things up since he is open to seeking and accepting help to alleviate any symptoms he is currently experiencing.Customer: I think that is a good suggestion. I will have to work out the best way to get that across. He is not communicating very well right now. Luckily he uses chats rather than telephone, which makes it easier, one can think about the responses.Customer: I am in contact with a Rabbi who knows him well from the religious college and am looking up sources of help in Israel. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : The best way to communicate is to be direct and straight to the point. Don't leave much to the imagination or make insinuations as these are often difficult for a person with an autism spectrum disorder to understand. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It sounds like he has a good support network with him in Israel as well as at home. If everyone is working together to help him recuperate from this latest breakdown, he is sure to have a decent recovery. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : A good approach for communicating with him would be to state the problem, tell him how it's affecting him or his family,etc., and then tell him what you would like him to do. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : That gives him a structure and doesn't leave it up to him to interpret what you mean.Customer: Network not quite together yet but I have spent many years facilitating solutions so am hopeful but dealing with close family is always more difficult. Also it is not easy working remotely. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It's very true that working with family members can be a lot more difficult than working with strangers as there is a lot of history going into it. However, if the support is coming out of a place of love and respect, that is the best that one can give.Customer: At present he is very depressed and blaming himself for everything that has gone wrong, apart form sometimes blaming his wife for criticising him, which he takes badly. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Distance also complicates things, but staying in contact through telephone, email, chat, etc. whether directly with him or with his wife can support a connectedness.Customer: Yes luckily she communicates well. She is actually a very supportive person and we thought she was just right fr him when we went over for the wedding. Unfortunately the "baggage" she brought with her is s bit heavy. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Encouraging him to seek a diagnosis can work to his benefit in two ways. First, he can move away from blaming himself. Second, he can seek treatments, strategies, and supports that allow him to function and cope better.Customer: Yes he has always preferred to find his own way, the present situation is just a bit too much for him.Customer: However he has taken a lot of advice from me in the past 2-3 years so I think there is a bit of goodwill in store. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Perhaps reframing the current family situation for him so that he can see it positively versus negatively. Yes his wife has come as a bundle package, but at the same time, the number of people in the home currently is a temporary situation (based on what you've shared). Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : It sounds like you are in a very good position to guide him through this as best as you can from a distance. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : I would also let his wife know that she could help him a lot by creating a predictable home structure for the family.Customer: Yes the two boys are going home at the end of July and the girls will be away for a couple of weeks in August. That should give them a break and the baby may be sleeping by then. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : This can be done through schedules and preplanning. She will need to work with the children to follow the structure as well. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Is there a way to get outside support for helping with a structure? Having a new baby isn't easy for either parent.Customer: A lot will depend on how the girls behave as they get older. The elder one is coming up to 12 soon and already getting a bit uppity I think. My son is the third "father" they have had around. His wife can cope with them but he had no sisters. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : A blended family is not easy to create. They may want to consider family counseling to help everyone adjust to this new family composition. This may also be beneficial to his individual treatment as well.Customer: In theory this is a fairly supportive community, an enclave of French and American Jews in one of the West Bank settlements near Jerusalem. I think that some of them have been a bit too outspokenly "supportive" at times.Customer: They are Orthodox but not extreme Zionists.Customer: They are having counseling now. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Based on what you've shared, there seems to be a lot of support and your son and his wife seem receptive to seeking help, counseling, and treatment. The only thing left would be for you to share your suspicions of Asperger's syndrome with your son and his wife so that they can let the psychiatrist/psychologist come to a conclusions about the diagnosis. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : And of course continue to remain open and supportive yourself. :-)Customer: Thanks for the advice. It has been very helpful. I have a few guilt issues myself over this of course but I think that I can handle them. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : I always tell people that you can't go back and undo the things done, but you can take charge of the present and decide what you will do from this point forward.Customer: I needed guidance on this and you have provided it very well . Many thanks. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : Forgive yourself for the past. Your son is lucky to have you. Stephanie Rosales, M.Ed., : You are most welcome and I wish you the best.Customer: That's what I say :~)Customer: My other son is completely normal. Can't think ho whe managed it.