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Dr. Wilson
Dr. Wilson, Doctoral Degree
Category: Writing Homework
Satisfied Customers: 360
Experience:  Doctorate in Law; BA English
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Is this paragraph Grammatically correct? Does it sound fine?

Customer Question

Is this paragraph Grammatically correct? Does it sound fine? Question is a skill acquired or knowledge outside of academics:


The business of ice cream is where I came to acquire skills such as people skills, and time management. My family owns a Cold Stone Creamery in Costa Mesa, California. I help them in any areas needed to ensure smooth operation and success. As an employee, I have witnessed my parents working in their respective careers on nightshift and then head over to the store to do inventory, banking, cake building, and ice cream. I was a young girl when we purchased the store. Many times, I would go along with them in the mornings when there was no school. My first duties started off fun: baking brownies, making cinnamon waffles, building and decorating cakes. What kid would not love doing that job? As I got older, the work responsibilities began to change. I helped with the cleaning, sweeping, dish washing and restocking of inventory. I had the opportunity to work along side of the employees. They would express their appreciation for my parents generosity, patience and understanding. My parents were notorious for feeding the crew on holidays and busy days. Some of them came from divided homes and lived on their own working two jobs or more. A few years went by and I began to drive. I began to remove some of their responsibilities. I would take the payroll checks, deliver change and groceries. I learned to make creations and utilize the cash register. I had to learn to organize my school work and soccer practices in order to accommodate for shortages or staff. I began to plan and schedule staff, inventory and change for the registers on holiday weekends.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Writing Homework
Expert:  Dr. Wilson replied 5 years ago.
I will proof it for you right now
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
it looks the same
Expert:  Dr. Wilson replied 5 years ago.
Here you go. I corrected it and made a couple of little changes here and there:




Working in the business of ice cream is where I have gained much of my time management and people skills. My family owns a Cold Stone Creamery in Costa Mesa, California. I help them in any areas needed to ensure smooth operations and success. As both a child and an employee, I have witnessed my parents work seemingly endless hours in a row. For example, they would work a night shift, and then head over to the store to do inventory, banking, cake building, and ice cream-making.


I was a young girl when we purchased the store. Many times as a young child I would go along with them in the mornings when there was no school. My first duties started off fun: baking brownies, making cinnamon waffles, building and decorating cakes. What kid would not love doing that job? As I got older, the work responsibilities began to mature, as well. I helped with the cleaning, sweeping, dish washing and restocking of inventory. I also had the opportunity to work along side of the employees. They often spoke fondly XXXXX XXXXX parents, expressing their appreciation for my parents' generosity, patience and understanding. My parents were notorious for feeding the crew on holidays and busy days. This meant a lot to many of the employees because many of them came from broken homes; living on their own, working two jobs or more. As got older and began to drive, I was able to take over many of my parents' more adult responsibilities. I would take the payroll checks, deliver change and groceries. I learned to make creations and utilize the cash register. I began to plan and schedule staff, inventory and change for the registers on holiday weekends. As my responsibilities grew, I had to learn to organize my school work and soccer practices in order to accommodate for shortages of staff...this world of ice cream has been good to me. I feel prepared for anything that comes my way. The skills and experience I have acquired are, and will continue to be, invaluable to my future.

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