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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 33901
Experience:  family solictor with 25 years experience
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I have a three year old liitle boy who is amazing. Me and s

Customer Question

hi, Hi, i have a three year old liitle boy who is amazing. Me and his father split up when he was 3 months old. There was violence involved and so splitting up was the best option for us. i allowed his father access he had him once a week to start with and it progressed to twice a week. His father would always take him to his grandmothers house and didnt look after him alone. However his father was very unrealiable he would arrive late bring him back early or some weeks he wouldnt turn up at all. He would not be able to tell me what my son had eaten that day, and i began to worry. Resently i contacted meidation to try and sort it all out, as i know every child needs both parents in their lives. Before the mediation appointment his father complained that he could not afford mediation and when i asked where his money goes as he works full time, does not pay a mortgage or rent and does not pay me child support he threatend me. I then stopped access and made it clear to him why. If he cha
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: UK Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.


Thank you for your question

My name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help you

What has happened since you stopped the ongoing contact?

Why have you not claimed Child Maintenance?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i have recieved a solicitors letter saying that his father had regular contact with him twice a week from 9 until 5 which was a lie, and that he arranged mediation and i am not co-operating. his father messaged me last night asking how i am i tried to clear the issues up and he said he would not talk over text about it because the truth wont come out.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i am about to go for a driving lesson can i continue this conversation afterwards?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
oh and i havent claimed because he said he would quit work if i did
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

You can respond at any time - I too will be on and offline this evening!

How long did he actually have him for when he had him - and do you know and trust his grandmother?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He would have him once a week usually a Friday he would pick him up at 9 I'm the morning and it would vary between 1pm and half 6pm he wouldn't say when he would bring him back and some weeks he didn't turn up at all. I know his grandmother I don't completely trust her no. He wants my son over night but I refused on the grounds he has been violent towards me whilst feeding him in the past.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

In the last three months how often has he cancelled contact?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He has not seen him for nearly 2 months due to his threats. But he cancelled at least twice a month every month for the last 2 years
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Stopping Contact is rarely seen as reasonable by the court so you need to re-instate it as soon as possible.

At this stage you should write to his solicitor saying that you would welcome the chance to go to mediation and to establish a regular

pattern of contact that your ex will actually keep to.

I do understand how frustrating you find his approach - but Contact and maintenance are not linked; and once he has established a reliable

pattern then I am afraid that overnight contact will be the next step assuming he has somewhere suitable for the child to stay

That is however some way into the future.

You may find this site helpful

Please ask if you need further details


Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your advice
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

You are welcome.

Try not to let him bully you (easier said than done I know)

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