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Matthew J
Matthew J, Solicitor
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 553
Experience:  4 y PQE (Partner) - Commercial / Residential Property & Property and Civil litigation experience
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Hopefully this is the correct place. I have recently ended

Resolved Question:

Hopefully this is the correct place.

I have recently ended a year long turbulent relationship. Unfortunately the ex GF owes me some money for a loan i gave her, has missed several dates she said would begin to pay me back. I have evidence it was a loan and know this is a matter for the small claims court.

however, she is claiming is was violent and aggressive and is threatening to press charges if i start a claim. there were approximately 6 'incident' over the course of the relationship and in all but one, she was the one who made it physical. she repeatedly would punch me, slap me, kick me, threatened me with a knife (after keying my car, and i had thrown her key over the garden fence), and generally scratch and claw at me ( i once had to walk home from a night out at 3 am with no shirt on so she had less to grab at).
i never once hit or anything of that sort but what i did do was restrain her. on a couple of occasions i held her hands back to stop her getting at me. on another, after she had punched me and was repeatedly lunging at me. i pushed her over onto the bed, and then held her down by the head/neck until she calmed down. on another (the car keying/knife incident), she lunged at me i spun her around and held her with her chin in my elbow. i think kicked her legs out so she fell to the floor and i would have chance to leave the house.
the incident where i was the one to initiate any physicality, i pulled a chair out from under her that she was sat on.
being a man, i never took any photos of bruises or scratch marks. she claims to have done so for all her incidents.
i obviously want my money back (and have the evidence to prove it was a loan), and am sure i am not the horrible monster that she is trying to paint me as. what would be the police/courts opinion on these incidents, as i would obviously rather forget about the money if i'm going to be prosecuted for something i did as a reaction to her becoming aggressive with me?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: UK Law
Expert:  Matthew J replied 11 months ago.

Matthew J :

Hi I will try and help

Matthew J :

approximately how long ago did these fights happen?

Matthew J :

and how much is the loan?

Customer:

loan is for £1600 (i'm just in sales, but she is a relatively newly qualified dentist and it was to help with her tax)

Customer:

the fights occurred between dec of last year and believe the last one was june.
i left the house we shared at the start of august.

Matthew J :

Thanks.

Matthew J :

the problem you have is that if she complains the police will have to investigate. They will take a statement from you and from there, and any witnesses. it will wast e lot of police time but they have an obligation. If there are no witnesses that corroborate the version either way then it will ultimately be your word against hers.

Matthew J :

what she is doing is tantamount to blackmail, but again it is which version of events the Court choose to believe

Matthew J :

(I am sorry I just have to nip away for a short while please post a reply and I will come back to you asap)

Customer:

if it helps, i have actually have 2 strings of texts between us where she brings up the incidents and again threatens police action.
i then reply itemizing the incidents and describing what happened, both what she did and i did. she makes no effort to dispute them and changes the subject.

Customer:

as a little further background, shortly before we began dating she was almost sectioned for eating disorders and prescribed antidepressants (she didnt take them). she has a history of self harming when a teenager.
since the relationship fell apart, she has since said she was pregnant (must have happened literally days before i left) and told me she was booked in for an abortion. after questioning her on this, i now know this was a lie (the abortion at least, unsure on pregnancy).

Customer:

i also have evidence of several other lies (minor) she has said to me over the course of the relationship.

Customer:

this is a a bit of armchair psychology, but having done some reading online and spoken with a social worker i know i think she is a chronic liar or simply a fantasist.

Matthew J :

hi back again -sorry about that

Customer:

no worries.

Matthew J :

it certainly seems like there is something not right about her attitude if this is the case. Ultimately the police and CPS are concerned about what they can prove about the individual cases, and whether anything warrants a charges of GBH,assault etc. The evidence of past lying etc will go to her credibility but will not necessarily dissuade them from bringing a prosecution if they have the evidence.

Matthew J :

Ultimately it is a decision for you: - whether you stick to principles and chase her for the money, or draw a line under it and walk away. of course there is no saying that even if you don't pursue her for the money, she wont make a complaint, but that is an unknown quantity

Matthew J :

Does this help?

Customer:

its not quite the clear cut answer i was hoping for but somewhat.

Customer:

i wouldnt put it past her to comeback to me in however long and try to pursue this. do you think i have a reasonable argument to defend myself against her accusations?

Customer:

is this simply a case her opinion against my own, or is there something that would mean as a man i should have reacted in anyway physically?

Customer:

*shouldnt

Matthew J :

You are entitled to Defend yourself from harm, and use "reasonable force". the definition of reasonable force depends on the circumstance (i.e.. force against grown man is arguably more than than could used against a woman) From what you say you appear to have been reasonably defending yourself, and using reasonable force to do so. however it is impossible to give you a definitive answer as to what the outcome would be as I don't have the full set of evidence available to me. As a gut feeling I think you should be ok, particularly if you have witnesses that support your version of event.

Customer:

there are no witnesses to anything, apart from when she slapped me whilst we were out one night (before we then went home, and she keyed my car and that incident escalated)

Customer:

i have no history for violence (durgs arrest when i was 16 or 17), or even a D&D.

Customer:

i have done quite a bit of kickboxing training, and a little bit of mma though

Matthew J :

previous character/history is of course relevant. If there are no witnesses then yes, It is your word against hers, which makes any police case all the hard - remember you are Innocent Until Proven Guilty.

Matthew J :

I would recommend not engaging in any more text/email discussion on the subject of the incidents - just stick to the money if you are still going to pursue her for this.

Customer:

that sounds like a very sensible .

Customer:

with regards XXXXX XXXXX(?), would you say it comes down to her word (and pictures if she has any) against mine (and the string of texts itemising the incidents that she makes no effort to deny or correct)?

Matthew J :

it doesn't seem to me there is an assault on the face of it - but yes, if you were charged it would be a "battle of the witness statements"

Customer:

spot on. thanks you for your help

Matthew J :

you are welcome - hopefully you are worrying for nothing and it will come to nought, but glad I could be of help. If you are happy please click to leave positive feed back so I can be paid for my time. i

Customer:

i'm feeling much better in it now. even more so if she may have succefully assinated he own character by lying about an abortion.

Customer:

take care.

Matthew J :

cheers

Customer:

is tehre anyway i can save this conversation, or should i just copy and paste it into a word document?

Matthew J :

Hi sorry just stepped away - it will save to your questions list within your profile - you should be able to re-visit the question thread any time if you log back in

Customer:

thank you.

Matthew J, Solicitor
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 553
Experience: 4 y PQE (Partner) - Commercial / Residential Property & Property and Civil litigation experience
Matthew J and other UK Law Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Matthew J replied 11 months ago.
Hello

I hope that my advice assisted you, and all has gone well. If you have time then I would welcome an update.

If you have any other legal questions then please post "FOR MATTHEW J" before you ask your further question and I will endevour to come back to you. I may not be online at that particular moment but will come back to you as quickly as I can.

All the best

Regards

Matthew J

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