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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: UK Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33027
Experience:  25 years experience of all aspects of family law
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It is just a very general enquiry, but my 10 year old son is

Customer Question

It is just a very general enquiry, but my 10 year old son is getting increasingly unwilling to stay at his dad's home due to his partner. He is very happy to see his dad and his half brother, but his fathers partner has not made him welcome and he does not want to spend evenings there. His father would probably be furious if I say no to him staying so if it went to court I am wondering what the most likely outcome would be. Btw I am very positive to my son about spending time with his father and brother, when he is dropped home his half brother regularly comes in and plays with my other children, so there is no animosity between his father and me, unfortunately his partner would just prefer my son didn't exist!
JA: Since laws vary from place to place, what state is this in?
Customer: Uk
JA: Have you talked to a lawyer yet?
Customer: No I was just searching on the Internet and this popped up. We have never involved lawyers as we have always worked things out together
JA: Anything else you think the lawyer should know?
Customer: My son has two half siblings here and I am in a steady relationship? Ie home life here is very stable if that mattered?
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: UK Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first.

What is the current pattern of contact?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Aidan (my son) goes to see his father for a few hours alternate Monday's and alternate weekends from Friday evening to Sunday evening
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Basically Aidan is worried about going there as Vicky blames him for things he isn't doing, she uses him to babysit his little brother (which is fine to a certain extent) but it is a considerably amount of time, his little brother is very strong and as all toddlers are, rather naughty. He bites Aidan etc but Aidan is not allowed to stop him etc
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Has he spoken to his father about it?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Daniel works nights, Vicky doesn't work, so understandably Dan is a late riser at the weekends, Vicky claims to be looking after them both but Aidan says she just sits on her phone and tells him to watch his brother
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
he has but Dan doesn't want to upset Vicky
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I feel really sorry for Dan as he doesn't want to upset Vicky, she has him somewhat under the thumb lol but it is really affecting Aidan
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Sorry it is a rather awkward situation, he is supposed to spend next week with his dad and Aidan is very stressed and has been in tears over it. He wants to see his dad and brother but he is scared of her
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Has his Dad got the week off?

have you spoken about it all with Dad?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
he has the week off, but it is the mornings and over night he is worried about as Dan isn't up. I have tried to talk to Dan but he dismisses it.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
He basically believes Vicky over Aidan and, whilst he has become a much better dad lately, he is extremely self centred so if it doesn't suit him to hear something he ignores it... I'm just very stressed as any other issues we can usually talk about easily and we get on, but he has a massive block over problems with Vicky. Even his mum realises she is a problem with Aidan!
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

can his mother help your son?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
In what way? She regularly sees him as Vicky often arranges things for her and Dan to do on the weekends they have him, and Aidan is close to her, but she lives half an hour away from where ***** *****ves so wouldn't be able to help in the mornings...
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Ie probably a third of the weekends (if not more) that Dan sees Aidan, aidan spends at his nan's...
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

At 10 your son is still a little young for his wishes to be decisive in terms of his contact with his father if the matter goes to court.

In the most general terms it is after a child is 12 that his of her wishes carry more weight - and obviously the closer they get to 16 it is more leikely that their wishes will be followed

In any event the starting point is to arrange to discuss matters with your ex using Family Mediation

- preferably using a Mediator trained to work with young people so that your son's views can be heard.

It would be helpful if you oculd come up with some compromises (after all your son does have to accept that everything will not always be as he wishes)

For the midweek contacts perhaps he could arrange to take your son out rather than eating at home.

For the weekends maybe your son can be allowed to stay in his room with activities until his Dad wakes up

It will not be easy I am afraid - but if it does go to court then it will be some form of compromise which is most likely to be the outcome.

Please ask if you need further details

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