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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: UK Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33004
Experience:  25 years experience of all aspects of family law
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I am an american citizen married to Brit. Our relationship

Customer Question

I am an american citizen married to Brit. Our relationship broke down and now he is filing for divorce in Uk (I am in USA) he has attorney asking me to say I was unfaithful (I was not) or else he will state unreasonable behavior, I have no idea what lies this will be. I believe him to mentally unstable, he was mentally abusive towards me, hence me leaving. What should I do? How do I proceed and what are my options? Thank you for any help in this matter.
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: UK Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 4 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

Do you wish to be divorced - and has the solicitor confirmed that if you agree they will not claim costs?

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
He is ill. I found out after we were married he was addicted to sleep meds that are illegal in usa. I dont see any future in this. So divorce is best route.His attorney stated in letter if i go along with unreasonable behaviour or admit adultery (both lies) he does not intent to claim any legal costs in resepect to the divorce proceedings. He had already contacted immgration and stopped my VISA.
Expert:  Clare replied 4 months ago.

Just to check - you do not have anyone new in your life?

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
im not seeing anyone. I read the list (on another site) of behaviours for ending marriage and he has done many of them. (I did move out of our bed after he started screaming at me.) We married in april 2015, left for uk in May and spilt up in aug. He asked me to leave, then immediately wanted me back. I waited a week, went back and 2 days later he asked i leave again. We talked daily from then till jan. Every time i metioned returning to uk he had excuse for me not to return. After jan i gave up on the marriage, he urged me to file for divorce here. I did not because i do not have the funds. He threatened to end my VISA if i didnt and when i did not - he contacted immigration and did so. I would like to end it and be free of him. But do i lie? Will this even matter? Thanks - sarah
Customer: replied 4 months ago.
I guess what i am askng is: what is in my best interest? His solicitor stated in letter that no one need be named, if i go along with it. (Which is kind, since im not having an affair) will any of this stop me from entering UK as a tourist later or cause more finical hardships?
Thank you for your help,
Expert:  Clare replied 4 months ago.

You would certainly have grounds to divorce your ex for his Unreasonable Behaviour - but of course you may not wish to have the hassle and expense.

The actual grounds for a divorce has no effect on any thin else whatsoever.

It does not effect the financial settlement (if any) and certainly will not effect your returning to the Uk in the future.

In fact Behaviour does not have to be really "bad" to qualify as Unreasonable - simply annoying is sufficient.

So you can "admit" something that you did not do - or agree some mild Behaviour allegations that you will agree - and say that you will not defend them provided he makes no claim for costs.

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
Thank you for the advice. Is a "finical settlement" something I need to ask about? In other words can he hit me for any other type of support or fees? Other than the divorce costs? We were only together a short time. He and I both spent a great deal of money on visa's, travel expense and setting up a household. But, as I said it was mutal. He is on disability and I believe looking for money. He is unwell, addicted to meds and "unstable", so anything is possible with him. Can i ask that he have no contact with me after the divorce? I don't want to cause more problems for him, but also do not want to be taken advantage of. Also, I took his sir name and use it professinally. Do i need to ask that i be allowed to keep it also? Thank you for your help, Sarah
Expert:  Clare replied 4 months ago.

You are entitled to use the name if you wish - or change it back if you prefer.

He has no right to contact with you if you do not wish it.

The very short length of the relationship makes it unlikely in the extreme that he has nay financial claim on you

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