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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: UK Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 28400
Experience:  25 years experience of all aspects of family law
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Hi, My wife and I have been married for thirty years. We

Customer Question

Hi,
My wife and I have been married for thirty years. We rent a house together and have 2 children living with us, aged 15 and 19. As difficult as it is to understand and believe the following is true. I had sexual reassignment surgery 10 years ago after I was misdiagnosed by a prominent psychotherapist. After that unfortunate mistake and 8 years of psychotherapy I have since had reconstructive surgery. My life is on track again and I am very happily male.
My wife however is in the midst of her own psychotherapy because of the effects all of this trauma has had on her. So now after ten years of my recovery and after one year of her therapy she has decided that I have hurt her too much. She has asked me to leave our bedroom, stopped wearing her wedding ring, is out all of the time and has just threatened to "out" me if I don't stop speculating with a few friends that she may be having an affair.
This outing is deeply significant for me as I am a prominent member of the local community and church. She knows the significance of this threat. Needless to say I am in tatters. I feel almost suicidal and think that this constitutes emotional abuse.
I feel that she should no longer be living in our home although she is a joint tenant on the lease. Is there anyway I can get her to go. I can't bare the thought that she would be so cruel. I have always loved her but her willingness to do this to me is tantamount to pulling the string that completely unravels me. Sorry to be so candid.
Scott
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: UK Family Law
Expert:  Stuart J replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I am Law Denning and I am a practising solicitor. I have been an expert on this website in UK law since 2008. During that time, as you appreciate, I have answered thousands of questions from satisfied users on a variety of subjects.
Because we are all in practice with clients and court and other users, I might not always respond in minutes, particularly evenings and weekends. Please bear with me in that case. I will be online and off-line all day today.

It is my pleasure to try and assist you with this today. Please bear with me while I gather some further information from you in order for me to be able to advise you fully.

Do you have equity in the property?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We do not own the property. We are renting with an assured tenancy agreement.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question I shall do my best to assist you
Is the property a private rental if so when does the tenancy end?
Claire
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It's a private rental and it ends in August 2014
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HI
Is there a break clause?
Claire
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think so. But can I ask if it is possible to get a restraining order or something similar in order to get her to move out?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am very sorry but unless your ex is PHYSICALLY violent to you then there is no question of your obtaining an order excluding her from the matrimonial home
Given the desperately difficult circumstances within the home you may wish to consider ending the lease early in order that you can both move on.
I am sorry that this is such bad news for you - please ask if you need further details
Claire
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok then. Do I tell her? Or do I go privately to the landlord and tell him I want to brake the lease without her knowledge. In otherwords she also wants to stay in the house and may be unwilling to brake the lease. Bearing in mind she is a co signature on the present lease.
At the end of the day, I also work on the property as it is a farm and I need to be there and draw my income from it. She works at a school and has her own income.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Is the property part of your income?
Claire
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
Basically we run a woman's refuge on it. Its a large property and we look after 18 formerly homeless women and children . I do all of the fundraising to a total of around £70,000 per year. It's not my personal income. We have a constitution which indicates that all fundraising goes for the upkeep of the house. It pays the rent, utilities etc. I myself raise all of the money. My wife works outside the refuge and earns her own money.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Are you willing to consider divorce proceedings?
Claire
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It's difficult. I still love her. I am away from the house right now for two more weeks. I need to confront her with the fact that I know that she is prepared to go public with my past. You see what she told me a few weeks ago was that "someone may feel the need to go public about me". I discovered who that person is and that it is also her best friend. All of which indicates that my wife is in on it. That she is willing to take my history and throw it wide open. I would loose the financial support for the refuge, friends, my relationship with my children. I need to speak to her about these things with the Marraige counsellor when I return in a few weeks.
Divorce may be necessary because all of the above indicates that she doesn't really love me anymore if she is willing to hurt me so badly. But I need to continue with the Marraige therapy first.
So in terms of re-negotiating the lease do I do that with her or without her. I think that she wants to stay put.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am afraid that if she is a joint tenant then you will need her to agree to the Surrender of the Tenancy
The matter of who remains in the property if you separate is one which you will have to negotiate - using Family Mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk) if necessary
Claire
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: UK Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 28400
Experience: 25 years experience of all aspects of family law
Clare and other UK Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok, thank you Clare.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
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