jusleen : Hi unfortunately if the children's father does not want to have more contact then you can't compel him to do so.
jusleen : the law does not set how much time the children should spend with each parent upon separation.
what if i applied to the court for joint custody
jusleen : every case is different and the parties and the children's requirements are not the same as another family
jusleen : If you made an application to court for a shared residence order the court would want to know what the father wants.
so basically he can still dictate my life
jusleen : if he says he is happy with arrangements as they are the court would not force him to spend more time with the children as this is not in their best interests to be stuck with a parent who would rather they weren't with them.
jusleen : You can make sure that there is a set pattern in place and that he is not chopping and changing contact z
he is a good parent and he loves his kids but since he has been with his new partner it has all changed
jusleen : The children need structure and security and it is important that contact is set and there is a routine. He needs to make sure that he is consistent.
and i and his family believe it is his new partner that is asking him to make these changes
jusleen : if the father wants contact on his terms then you can refuse to allow him to so this if it is not in the children's interests and seek a defined order from the court.
jusleen : The problem is that you cannot do anything if he insists on listening to his partner:
so there is nothing that i can do by law to make him see his children
jusleen : if he won't listen then maybe you should make a referral for mediation where both parents with the assistance of a mediator can agree a schedule that works for the children.
jusleen : mediation is a prerequisite to any court application in any event however you cannot force him to attend mediation or take part in mediation if he chooses not to.
would his new partner need to be involved in this as it is her house they stay in every other weekend
jusleen : No it's the parents who attend.
jusleen : However if contact takes place at her house then she has to be happy and prepared to let the arrangement work.
jusleen : if she does not agree then maybe another family member for instance grandparents can allow contact to take place at their house.
this is the trouble i am having as i am sure it is her that is lowering his time spent with the children
so other than a mediation there is not much i can do ?
jusleen : It's difficult if he won't listen. Maybe you should both read the parenting plan booklet which is very helpful for parents to understand how to meet the children's needs after separation. http://www.tsoshop.co.uk/gempdf/CAFCASS_Parenting_Plan.pdf
jusleen : Unfortunately if your ex does not want to spend more time with the children you cannot force him
jusleen : Through the courts. It's sad but unfortunately the court won't force him.
ok thank you
jusleen : That's a pleasure I'm sorry I could tell you what you were hoping for.
sorry just quickly is it correct that if i stop is access altogether he can apply to the court for access
jusleen : Hi I'm sorry that I didn't respond immediately to your last query but my connection went on the blink. If you stop contact then yes the father will be able to apply for a contact order from the court and you would be required to make the children available for contact.