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My ex partner of 17 years and I were never legally married,

My ex partner of 17 years and I were never legally married, but she adopted both of our children through second-parent adoption in Illinois. I am the birth mother, but she is listed as co-parent on their birth certificates. We broke up in the summer of 2015 and I moved out of our home in February of 2016.We had discussed custody and payment arrangements and had even spoken to a lawyer friend of hers about doing a "modification of adoption" to get all the plans into writing and filed with the courts. Essentially, I was to pay all of the following:1) Kids' health insurance ($164/month)2) Kids' eye glasses and contacts (~$600 for their glasses and $30/month for my son's contacts)3) Kids' cell phones (~$100/month - hard to say since it's part of a package - I pay a total of $207 for 3 lines)4) Blood bank storage fee ($125/year)5) I also do the gymnastics website where our daughter takes gymnastics - so that monthly bill is taken care of by my working it off ($360/month).We are to split any other expenses. Such typical expenses include1) Our son's registration fees for wrestling and football (~$145 each yearly)2) The booster club fees for our daughter's gymnastics ($~1100/year although they vary).3) Any medical expenses are to be split (fortunately we haven't had any other than the occasional doctor visit - which I never asked her to pay for).4) School registration fees. (~$180/year)5) School supplies (~$220/year).Gymnastics is a HUGE expense in our lives. Not only do we have the booster club fees, and the monthly training fee, but we also have travel costs of gas, hotels, food, and sometimes airfare. This year, I had my daughter every weekend we traveled except one. I paid for two nights of hotels each time along with food and gas. She had our daughter the weekend they went to a meet in Las Vegas. She decided to take her girlfriend and our son. Neither are required to go. In fact, only our daughter is required to go and could have gone with the coaches if need be. So our daughter's expenses would be the same as any other meet except her airfare. I did not offer to pay for half of her airfare since I pay for all of her other monthly expenses and have paid for the travel on all of the other meets. It is not MY fault that she took our son when he could have easily stayed home with me. She decided to make it a family vacation for all four of them rather than a gymnastic trip for our daughter. That's not on my dime, as far as I'm concerned.In January of 2016, I wrote my ex a check for $2000 (part of which was to cover the cost of our daughter's trip to Florida for a gymnastics meet). She is now claiming that I was paying for t-shirts and rent. I DID owe her about $750 for t-shirts she'd put on her credit card BUT she'd broken my laptop which cost about the same and I had to replace it so I refused to pay her for the t-shirts. I don't feel like I owed her "rent" in a home I owned with her at the time, but she said I owed it to her since we were broke up. So I stand behind the fact I gave her $2000 for both rent and our daughter's trip. Even if $750 DID go to t-shirts and let's say $300 went for rent for my bedroom (in which I had NO privacy in since she'd keep unlocking the door repeatedly and harassing me emotionally AND physically), that still leaves $950 to pay for my half of my daughter's plane ticket and hotel.A couple months later, after I had moved out, I did her taxes for her for free and even allowed her to claim both children even though we both were working. She claimed the mortgage interest (which was fine by me as she had always done it that way) and both kids and got a huge refund of $7600+. Honestly, I don't begrudge her any of that.The last I was aware she makes $57,000/year teaching and brought home $3600/month (this was before the kids were removed from her insurance and put onto mine, so her take home pay MUST be even more.) As a teacher, she normally gets some kind of small raise each year. Additionally, in all of the previous years we were a couple (17), her father has given her a grain check in late autumn that totals anywhere from $3,500 to $10,000.I make $77,000/year and have no additional source of income or gifts from family members.Another agreement we'd made was that I was to quit claim my half of our home to her and she would relinquish me of all credit card debt. Her credit card at the time totalled out to about $15,000. It was her credit card, but I did have a secondary card in my name. I DID actually quit claim my half of the home to her nearly a year ago, but no other official paperwork was every filed.She says that she paid for everything for years so she shouldn't have to pay any of the kids' monthly expenses now. But in reality, the kids were on my insurance for 3 years when I worked at Network Solutions and for a time while I was self-employed. She was on my insurance many years ago when I worked for Spherion, but I've NEVER been on hers. I was a stay-at-home mom for years BUT I did freelance work on the side and made pretty decent money. We haven't had a gymnastics bill for training in over 4 years thanks to me, and at one time both of our kids were gymnasts so I was saving us well over $600/month. She said that doesn't count because it doesn't come out of my pocket. I work anywhere from 10-15 hours a month on that site, so I definitely think my contributions there matter. I'm saving her $180/month for what would be her half of the gym bill if we actually had to write a check for it. She seems to think that because the bills automatically came out of her checking account that none of my contributions when were together counted for anything. But she sure didn't mind spending all my income as "fun money" and she'd often brag to people about how great it was that I could be at home with the kids and still bring in great money on the side.When I left that house I was only allowed to take my clothing, my t-shirts and heat press, the queen-sized bed I had before I met her, and a few personal items she told me I could have. My "half" of her credit card debt would be $7,500 and ironically that is EXACTLY the amount of construction work I had done on our home by the guy who owns the gym because we took it out in trade for a website. So, in my mind, I owe her nothing financially.We could not seem to come up with a schedule for the kids that worked for us so she suggested I ask my brother what he and his ex-wife do. Their schedule is based on his ex-wife's surgery schedule so it works for them but would not work for most people. I showed her their schedule and she chose to follow it.She has the kids on Mondays, every other weekend and every other Thursday that she doesn't have them that weekend. Fortunately, for HER, on both Mondays and Thursdays only one of our kids have practice. So she only has to run one child around and can spend quality time with the other if she so chooses. Well, on Tuesdays and Wednesdays BOTH kids have practice. One is in Belleville, twenty minutes away and the other is in O'Fallon. I literally spend my entire evening feeding kids, driving kids, helping kids with homework and putting them to bed. I don't actually get to spend time with them. I have asked her several times to consider a new schedule and she refuses to for two reasons.1) She said I'm the one who wanted to leave.2) She plays on a co-ed volleyball league every Wednesday for 6 weeks in the summer and does not want to have the kids on Wednesdays.Now that volleyball team is comprised of all gymnastics parents who ALL bring their children. The kids love to play together and cheer on the parents. So my daughter feels left out because she can't be there. And she can't be there because my ex told her (and me as well but at another time) that she doesn't want me there. So our daughter misses out on all that time with her teammates.But, that's really not the issue. I don't think the children's visitation schedule should be dictated by my ex's social life nor should I be punished for wanting to pursue my own happiness.In order for me to get my daughter to gymnastics practice I have to leave work 2.5 hours early two days a week and have to log back into work later that night after the kids are in bed in order to make up that time. I want to rotate the schedule so that we both have equal time, both have to shoulder the burden of running kids back and forth, and we both can have social lives.Additionally, the kids go to school in the school district where she lives. I agreed to this because I felt it was best that the kids' lives be disrupted as little as possible. This is truly inconvenient, however, since I'm the one who has to pick them up at her house all the time rather than her having to drive over to mine. I'm the parent who gets called when they need a winter coat or forget their homework because I'm the one who works locally.I want to rotate it as follows:Whoever has the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday does not have them on Monday, but gets them back on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. This way neither of us have to go more than 3 days without seeing the kids. We both have to shoulder the responsibility equally of taking kids to practices and events, and we can both have equal time with them.She is punishing me for leaving her for someone else. But, she has moved on and has a live-in girlfriend too. I think it's time she get past all the anger and do what is fair. I don't know if she doesn't realize all the extra running around I do or if she just doesn't care, but I feel like the least she can do is modify the schedule to be more fair. As it stands, in a typical month, she has them 12 days and I have them 18. When it's her weekend, I don't see them for four days in a row. On the days she has them during the week she only has to take one child to practice and can spend time with the other. She pays for none of their recurring monthly expenses. BUT she claims one of them on her taxes.Even though we'd made all these financial and child schedule agreements, the only thing that was ever signed was the quit claim deed forgoing my interest in the home. After a year of paying all of the kids' monthly bills and following the schedule SHE created, I want to modify our arrangement. It was never filed with any court. Even though we both attended the required parenting classes, she never went forth with her lawyer to file any paperwork regarding the children. She says I have to stick with what we agreed upon. I agreed to those conditions under duress. I was sooo desperate to get out of that house I would have said and done almost anything to appease her. The arrangement isn't fair to me or to the kids.I'd like to know what my options are legally. Can I get a new visitation schedule that she will be forced to follow? Can I get her to pay something monthly?

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LegalGems

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I need help to help my friend navigate a situation in

I need help to help my friend navigate a situation in Minnesota. She has a 10 year old daughter with a brain tumor, which she has been battling for 7 years now. They have tried 6 different chemo recommendations that her doctors recommended, the last 2 have been chemo trials not even FDA approved yet, as they have run out of other options to try. The chemo and other western medicine approaches (surgeries and other procedures), have resulted in a laundry list of side effects too long to list, including many that are permanent and likely irreversible such as vision loss, hormonal gland damages that affect her growth and other important body functions such as thyroid, fluid management, etc. Her tumor is a very slow growing type, that changes happen gradually, and over time with, and multiple chemos have not been effective in size reduction of the tumor, but have caused many side effects that significantly impact her quality of life on a daily basis. The child and her parents would like to pursue natural treatment options for her, in the interest of decreased side effects and potentially a better quality of life while she is undergoing treatment. The child doesn't like her chemo or the way it makes her feel. Her parents have been extremely diligent in her medical care for this entire 7 years and have devoted their life to learning everything they can and ensuring decisions they make are in the best interest of their child. They have been cautioned however, that to go a natural route, and not follow the chemo recommendations of the child's medical team could result in negative actions against them by child protective services, etc for not administering the ordered chemotherapy because of this tumor diagnosis. Her tumor is not cancerous, but she is followed by an oncology team for the treatment of it because it is a tumor and it's in the brain. Literature online basically says that when dealing with childhood cancer, the obligation of the adult is to follow the orders of the doctor. The parents are very concerned about opening up a can of worms that would get CPS involved and affect their family life and other children, as there are 6 other children in the home. (All of whom get great care and love from their parents). Are there any laws in MN regarding this that will protect the parents and children from possibly facing this outcome? Or any avenues in which they can pursue this? At what point does a child get a say in what medicines or treatments they agree to taking part in? Can't their be some consideration here in allowing them to try this route without a negative outcome for the family to have to deal with? It's very evident, through the course of this past 7 years that these parents would NEVER want a negative outcome for any of their children - yet they are forced to follow a traditional western medicine approach simply because it involves "childhood cancer," so to speak without any true cancer diagnosis. How can they best pursue this and still be protected and keep their children protected? They are obligated out of fear of losing their kids, to hold back on speaking of what natural approaches they wish to pursue, and from speaking out against the team of doctor's chemo recommendations. There has got to be a route in which they can pursue this with everyone on board without having to face consequences. If there are no laws to protect them - what resources are out there for them? This cannot be the first case that this has come up, yet we cannot find resources for support or answers anywhere!

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Ely

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I have just learned from my 4 yr old that her father is

Hi, i have just learned from my 4 yr old that her father is having an affair with my 18 yr old daughter from another marriage. My 4 yr says that her daddy and her sister sleep together. I'm scared to death that i will have to explain this relationship to my 4 yr old someday. Can i get a protective order againist her father, and get sole custody with no visitation rights?JA: Because family law varies from place to place, can you tell me what state this is in?Customer: West VirginiaJA: Has anything been filed or reported?Customer: Nothing has been filed. We currently have an agreement that allows him weekend visitation. But no evidence of his affair. I was thinking of hiring an investigator.JA: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?Customer: Not at this time.

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FamilyAnswer

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I would like to get grandparent rights, Colorado, Grand

I would like to get grandparent rightsJA: Because family law varies from place to place, can you tell me what state this is in?Customer: Colorado, Grand JunctionJA: Has anything been filed or reported?Customer: noJA: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?Customer: I am on social security

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FamilyAnswer

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The custodial parent is in jail for murder of her child,her

the custodial parent is in jail for murder of her child,her other child is not with cps.The father has been deemed unfit in the past.Can the mother still sign over her child to someone else once cps has been involved

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FamilyAnswer

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I reside in New Mexico. My daughter has a 13 month old baby

I reside in New Mexico. My daughter has a 13 month old baby girl. The father has not been in her life and never contributed to the Support of this child. He is now texting the mother with threats to take legal action. We are not sure why since he walked out of the babies life all on his own. My daughter won't respond to him because the father is in our opinionJA: Has anything been filed or reported?Customer: One domestic incident but the police showed up 3 hours later and he was long gone. She has saved his text messegesJA: Since laws vary from place to place, what state is this in? And when did this happen?Customer: New Mexico about a year agoJA: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?Customer: He also was allowed to baby sit and the baby ended up in the hospital because he dropped her. My daughter has saved many text messages and we are afraid to leave him alone with her. We haven't heard from him for 6 months or more. We also have many character witnesses.

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FamilyAnswer

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My son is living in Florida. He moved there about 4 months

My son is living in Florida. He moved there about 4 months ago. His daughter's step dad has filed to adopt her. He has had regular visitations until 6 months ago. She suddenly refused to visit. The bio parents were not married and no visitation or support was ever set up due to the maternal grandparents having guardianship of the daughter. He has attempted to keep in contact with his daughter but she refuses to reply. He does not want to give up his rights. He does not have the means to pay for an attorney but is planning to come to Indiana to fight the adoptions. Can the court legally grant the adoption with him agreeing?

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FamilyAnswer

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In texas what is the legal definition of physical neglect as

In texas what is the legal definition of physical neglect as defined by family law and used by dfps/cps? Is this the same definition as listed on dfps website and if so is it very limited in scope applying only to the situations listed in the definition. I am a bit confused since it seems that the section of family law pertaining to neglect has been split out into separate catagories for use by DFPS/CPSCould a messy house be considered physical neglect? When the child is well cared for, loved, has clothes ,food, all utlities, shelter, internet access, health insurance healthy as verified by a doctor healthy weight shots up to date etc,CPS did not ever mention removal had no real problem with us as the house was clean within a couple days. Long story short we had a family member (father in law) to go nuts start drinking when we tried to evict him he would threaten to harm himself same thing if we tried to call the police. So there was about 3 months we all kind of tip toed around him we spent alot of time outside or away from home so our child wouldn't not have to be subjected to the drinking and the arguements so we didn't clean as we should as we just avoided the common areas of our own house except for meal times. Then one night during a arguement about us wanting him to leave he called the police because he felt he shouldn't have to leave and my husband kept telling him that he did. The police came he made threats that they heard thank god and was very very drunk and being mean so he was arrested and cops said they would have to notify cps as it was required by law and that we should pick up a bit. We did place was 80% better by the time they got here 6 hrs later (he was pointing a gun so assume that's why the quick response he had/has a chl) . Basically they took him away we started to pick up and had it done in no time without him here to hinder cps came that morning told us to keep doing what we where doing signed a safety plan that said we would not let him back into the house and would get his things off the property and finish cleaning (getting his things out was all that was left to do far as cleaning went). He brought a ton of stuff with him when he moved in and bought even more after he got here. He took over our house ,front porch and front yard with his items and would have a fit if we even tried to move anything of his to clean makeing threats and saying that we were trying to steal if we tried to toss something or even move it. We had to wait untill he was arrested to do away with several cubic yards of ruined household items left to rot in the rain and weather on our front porch and in our driveway and front yard for several months. They came back 10 days later said everything was fine case would be closed and would have family based services check in 2-3 times to verify house remained neat as they said we where already doing all that we needed to do and it was all just formalties everyone we dealt with was nice and we had no reason to believe anything was going to come of it as long as we did what we where asked. Well a couple of weeks later we get a letter in the mail "reason to believe physical neglect" heck they didn't ask alot of questions they didn't look around the whole house or property if they had they would have seen that it wasnt all that bad other than the fact that over the course of those same 3 months some neighborhood stray cats had gotten underneath of our house (doublewide trailer) and clawed ripped chewed their way into our heating/cooling ductwork system and gotten into our home (note this did not render the heating system unuseable) just very ineffecient as heat was escaping under the house and the animals had access to the inside of our home and they did their business in a few spots which we promptly cleaned when found but the smell of urine from unaltered male tomcats is hard to mask. 3-4 or so of them would sneak in nightly over a couple week period it took for the insurance company to send someone to check our system and repair it (fixed 2 days after cps first visit). In texas what the legal definition of physical neglect as defined by family law and used by dfps/cps? Is this the same definition as listed on dfps website and if so is it very limited in scope applying only to the situations listed in the definition. I am a bit confused since it seems that the section of family law pertaining to neglect has been split out into these separate catagories for use by DFPS/CPS am wondering if i should do admin review and if so could i do it without a lawyer as we don't have a lot of money caseworker said she didn't recomend neglect for us but supervisor must of added it for the dirty house / cat problem.Caseworker made us aware the review was available. we realize you can't give legal advice just want a frank opinion from a few people who understand the systemthank youmargaret

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Law Educator, Esq.

Attorney At Law

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In a temporary equal custody situation with a six-year-old

In a temporary equal custody situation with a six-year-old child… Wherein the mother and father have made a plan for EQUAL custody .....if one parent is always having the grandparents watch the child because they have to work and only get to see the child on their days for about one hour in the evening is that fair? Anything that could be done as far as modifying the custody order?

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Lucy, Esq.

Juris Doctor

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