My husband and I, married 17+ years, together 18.5 years,
My husband and I, married 17+ years, together 18.5 years, are in the middle of a divorce he initiated August 2014. We have one child together, a daughter who is 14, and will be 15 in October.We moved to a small town in 2004, so I could help take care of my grandmother and great uncle.He began sleeping with our child when she was around 3, and with no regard to my constant objections, that practice continued. Two years ago he left with my child in August (2014), had planned it for months, had her helping him find a new house, repaint it, buy furniture, etc.I didn't go "skating", "bowling", etc. which is what I was told they were doing because I have severe spinal damage, rheumatoid arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, and it simply hurts to do things like that. I did have a nervous breakdown in Dec. 2012, and my husband did all he could to make it harder for me.The court system here has been horrible, and I was denied visitation with my child a second time because false allegations were made about me by the guardian ad litem, with the guardian saying, "it has been reported ...." My husband even came forward and told her she was wrong, the judge was informed, etc. yet they did not return my visitation as they should have right then. Instead, they scheduled an emergency hearing for a few weeks ahead and lo and behold, they were canceled and rescheduled until week-before-last when we finally had court. I now have her overnight 2 nights a week, and here for the majority of the day 3 days each week.Now here is what is bothering me so much. My daughter, in August last year, was apparently suicidal, homicidal, and hearing voices according to the therapist. I was never notified of this, and they continued to allow her to stay at her father's house by herself while he worked all night. No medication, nothing. Therapy is twice a month. When I found out about this in November because she had told me she was suicidal and had thought of jumping into traffic, I threw a FIT to my lawyer. Found out that the reason they let her continue staying alone was "she didn't have a plan". He works a rotating night shift, so her alone time from age 12, when he took her while I was asleep, until now, has been 6:30pm until 7:30am. I'm sorry, but this is wrong. Now there is a sitter with her at all times after I blew up in November.Another issue that has always bothered me is he sleeps with her in his bed and has done so since she was about 2 or 3. I was told this behavior had been stopped, but her first day of visiting me again, she let it slip that they still sleep together now.She also asked me, my mom, and my sister at Christmas one year (she was about 7), if a guy's "thing" (she had no idea what it was) could grow bigger and stand up by itself. I calmly told her yes, it is natural, and we will talk about it more when she is much older. Then I asked her why she asked, and she just shrugged it off.It has been 2 days since she told me this news about having continued sleeping with her father. It's not like there are not multiple bedrooms at both homes, and this one has three; 2 with double beds and one with a queen size. At her house, it's one queen (hers), and a king (his).Every time I search for information, I'm finding articles about kids who are doing this because they have insomnia, or there's been a recent trauma, etc.I personally think this is a very, very wrong thing. But I don't know who to ask. I am no longer speaking with her therapist because she broke HIPAA about my visits with my daughter and talked to my husband about them. I confronted her and was told her boss said she could no longer work with me. There are only two of them in the office, they don't take health insurance .... something seems very wrong.I can't take care of my child by myself, I know this. But I have a lot of support. He has said or done something, I feel it. But SHE told me two days ago about the fact that she and her dad still sleep in the same bed.At this point, what do I do? I notified my lawyer Friday and asked that he not contact the court until I can figure out what to do. The last time I spoke up to help my child, I was basically given a reprimand by the guardian ad litem and the therapist. After 7 months, we finally had a hearing that was not postponed, and I am spending time with my child again --- two whole days!!! And this. I don't know what to do. When they cut me off before, I was absolutely powerless. I don't want to put my daughter in that situation again without having some sort of backup. I'm 51 by the way. We all had to take psych evaluations --- mine showed persistent depressive disorder and anxiety. Dealt with this since I was a teenager. And that was all it showed.I had to write a lot to try to give the basic background.I guess my main question is, am I right to be concerned about the sleeping issues?Thank you. My heart hurts way more than my body.