Thank you for giving me the opportunity to assist you. I will give the best answer that I can with the information provided.
California follows the federal rules for Head of Household filing status. The problem with your situation is that you were legally married as of the last day of 2009. The advice that your tax person gave you "should not have told the IRS that i got married 12-22-09" is bad advice as by hiding this fact you are committing fraud.
Whether or not you lived with your spouse during 2009 is irrelevant, because the qualifying person in your situation is an adult, not a child.
The rules that you are referring to about not living with your spouse for the last 6 months of the year need to be looked at more closely. When you are legally married, and do not live together at all with your spouse for the last half of the year, you may only be "considered unmarried" for head of household purposes when and if the home was the main home of your child, foster child, or stepchild. page 7-8: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p501.pdf
An adult dependent does not give you the "considered unmarried" when in fact you are married.
Now-as you do not qualify for head of household for 2009, you should amend your returns and file married separately or married jointly, whichever benefits you the most. Your wife would have to consent to file jointly.
As for the dependency issue, there is no reason why you cannot claim your father as a dependent, as he meets all the tests needed for dependency claim.
Please let me know if you need additional assistance.