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CounselorJules, Counselor, marriage and family specialty
Category: Relationship Care
Satisfied Customers: 575
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I have a friend years. we meet at school. we became good

Customer Question

Hello. I have a friend for 3 years. we meet at school. we became good friends. We were doing alot together. She would come over and we would go to the dog park often. One time she came over every weekend. We both had a day off and I asked her if she wanted to go to park with our dogs. She said that she needed to give her car a rest but then I asked her if she was going to this event on Thursady which was 3 hours away back and forth. She said yes. I felt hurt because she was able to go there with me cause I had free tickets but not the dog park. I always went each time she wanted. she got upet cause I was upset and then said I caused her to much stress and to stay away from her and she enjoys doing things by herself. I said ok and then I saw her at work. We both said hello in the hallway. I was still hurt by her comments and unsure of what to say. the next day I texted her. She did not repsond. So i called a few times and she did not answer. She also deleted me on facebook. I went by her at school and she was not talking. Finally she told me, she said I ignored her. I tried to explain to her but she did not want to hear it. I feel bad. Is this my fault cause I was upset about not going to the park? I don't understand why we can't work it out. I want to talk but not her. other friends work it out after worst things. what can I do? It has been 2 months and no talk
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Relationship Care
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 4 months ago.

Hi :) thank you for your question. I am happy to assist you. Please bare with me while I provide you with an answer.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 4 months ago.

okay, I was reading your question again so that I could provide you an in depth response. Honestly, in any relationship, you have to remember that you are only responsible for your role in the relationship, not her reactions. Yes, you felt hurt, and maybe "used" because of the nature of the situation or her seeming lack of availability, but expressing that to her was not a problem. Addressing your feelings is healthy, but it is how we do so. We have to remember to create a situation that is solution focused so that the other person does not feel blamed or become defensive. You will want to be sensitive to their feelings but also focus on the positives of the relationship. I really think you guys can get through this. It is simply about approach and sincerity. Try something like this, "I just wanted to somehow reach out to you and express a sense of gratitude for our friendship. I think in the past maybe my hurt about the inconsistency of plans came out in a way that seemed selfish. I guess I felt insecure about the boundaries in the relationship and then it just escalated from there. We just never really were able to talk about things. It's been 2 months and I am hopeful that we can put much of this behind us. I would love to hear from you and I do miss our friendship. I hope we can fix all that has happened and allow conflict to create an opportunity."

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
I approached her a few times. A friend said I called or texted to much after the problem occurred. I just did that cause she was not talking. maybe I tried for a week. my friend said to give her space and I have but she will not talk. its stupid cause we were friends and I believe a true friend would work it out no matter what. do you agree?
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 4 months ago.

I do agree with you that working through those things would be the best idea for the relationship. It sounds like maybe she wasn't sure how to accomplish boundaries that she felt were needed at the time. I'm sorry that she has missed out on fixing things with you. You sound like a loyal friend. I would maybe try sending a short text first, like "hey, I was just thinking of you." And leaving it at that.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 4 months ago.

I just wanted to check back in with you and see how things have turned out?

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 3 months ago.
I just wanted to check on you and see how things have turned out for you and your friend. Have you been able to patch things up?

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