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Hi all, I met a wonderful guy. Things started fast. He is 28 and has two amazing children (8 and 4), I am 29.
We started dating directly after our first date (now two months ago, but we know each other since September 2013, we work at the same company). He is very carrying, treated me like a princess, introduced me to his children after 2 weeks and also to his whole family and best friends. The children love me, the friends as well. His mother really likes me a lot and told him to treat me well :). I even met the mother of the children and she told my boyfriend that I am a very pleasant girl and he should really take good care of me. I think this was a very successful start. Well of course we started off a bit fast, first he even had thoughts about me moving in, and getting married some day, including having our own children. Well of course these thoughts from him were to fast and we slowed down a bit, he even once said to me: if we would have continued that way, we would be already married this September.
Since two weeks he is a bit distant. Not writing too much hearts anymore, focusing more again on work. At that point we did not see for 4 days. First I panicked a bit, since my thoughts from my last relationship came up again: there the guy did not contact me for 2 weeks and then break up with me. With this guy however I always had contact, not that extremely writing as in the beginning, but still always decent much. When we saw again after these 4 days I told him about my bad former experience and he told me that he will tell me if something would not be right anymore for him. I told him that it works best for me to talk things out, if something is bothering him etc. Then everything run fine again.
Now I have not seen him nearly a week. We have contact but not that much anymore. He is quite distant and writes very cold. He told me he is busy, needs to focus on job-hunting, but I always can come to his place. Well I mostly go to his place anyway, mainly because of his children and he less flexible, but I don't want this all the time, I want him to come to my place from time to time too. Even if his place might be one day our common home.
So I mirrored his behaviour and did not respond too fast to his texts (being also a bit more distant, focusing on my life as well). By now it makes me really crazy not to know what is going on. Have not heard from him since 1.5 days. He does not make any intention to see me or call me. I do not want to call and push him further away. I do not want to be seen as needed. I really miss him, and also miss to see the children this weekend (it feels like me own children already!!!).
More background: he has a busy life, children taking quite a lot of energy from him. They are at his place 1-2 times a week. On sundays he is mostly quite drained in energy, just chilling on the sofa. He lives about 50 miles from me, I mostly drove to him, he was not that often at my place, but due to the children situation it is more complicated for him to come to me. Still I think I give more then him in the relationship. How to fix this? How to get him to contact me more again and how to see him again? I want to put off the feeling that this is too serious but still I want some kind of seriousness of course. I am willing to give all time to develop. I really want this to work, I am very in love with him and think this is the one.
Update: now he wrote me on facebook:
"Hey, how are you. The cocktails look delicious, have you been out yesterday?"... I sent him a picture of our drinks yesterday with the message: "Rio-like cocktails, can it be any better :D" (the cocktails looked yellow-greenish, like Brasil flag, hinting to FIFA football).
This is a good example, as you see he uses no smilies, no indication that we are together or something, treats me more like a friend. How and when should I respond?
Thank you for your help. Sophie