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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2819
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I did send another question to Jen last week, I am still

Customer Question

I did send another question to Jen last week, I am still waiting for a response.
Submitted: 12 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 days ago.

Hi Welcome back. How is everything going?

Customer: replied 12 days ago.
I sent you another question last week, November 23, 2016. Did you receive it? I know being the Thanksgiving Holiday it was crazy.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 days ago.

I did not receive any new question from you until tonight. Please fill me in as I will be signing off for the night in a little bit.

Customer: replied 12 days ago.
I just copied and pasted what I sent you.I am really confused now and I really advise.
Yesterday he came into work on his shift and he was staring at me and I was looking at him also. He caught me looking at him at the same time I was looking at him. He went to his until to work. He came to my until periodically during the night. Then all of a sudden he walked in my room and asked if I had candy in my drawer? I have the community candy drawer? I said yes and I just filled it up today and I just stocked the the chips today also. He got some candy and chips. He also asked if he had any of his gum left over? I said yes, I had it in the drawer by me. He was shocked because he thought it would be gone by now. I said no because I have kept it in the drawer by me, so no one would eat it. Then he asked how the cats are? I said they are doing fine and I told him a story about how my daughter (whom after two years of me being with him he has not meet because he has not wanted to meet her yet) had to bring home a mechanical baby for her Early Child Class and how the cats reacted towards it, we both laughed about it. I showed him pictures and a video. He stated that I still has Bliss? I said yes because I didn't want to take her to the SPCA. He said it was a no kill shelter. I know it is not, but doing it by myself, I lost my stuff and started crying and could not do it. He did say it would be hard. Someone was coming in the room and then he left.So today, he shows up for his shift and again he keeps looking over at me. I would look over at him and when I would get caught by him looking he would look away. He finally walks in the room and goes for the chips. He asks if I have gotten rid of Bliss yet. I said not, on my next day off I will put her on Craigslist's. He jokingly says, to get her laid? I am puzzled at that statement, so I replay NO, but if you are into that you go right a head and tell me how it goes. My back is to him, but I can feel him look at me. We kinda say the same thing back and fourth, and while he is leaving he says to me. Didn't you hear about the Craigslist's murderer? I look at him funny and shake my head. He explains to me about it. Of course I am thinking the worsted and he wants a girlfriend and wants to get laid and I get all upset. He comes back in the room and I can not remember how the conversation started back up, but we started talking about Bliss and Craigslist's again. I realize he is joking and I play along and say, yes I am getting her a man and you are coming over to help me interview him!! he looks at me funny and repeats to me what I said. I explain to him because I don't want Bliss to get hurt. He kinda laughs at that. He said they do pets on Craigslist's? Yes, they do, that's why I am putting her on Craigslist's. Jacie had her on there once before, but she moved to Washington. Now her understood what I was saying. We continued to talk a little about my My best friend moving to Organ and we moved her out of her boyfriends house, he was shocked. My grandparents property is almost done & my mom will be moving to Organ with her brother, which he knew that, and I have two years left on my daughter and when she graduates I might be leaving. He looked at me funny and left my room. My shift was almost over, so he didn't come back.So now that you have the story, I have a LOT of questions. We have not talked in two weeks and I do not know where we are at. He asks me about the cats and that is his "MO" when we fight. He has not made any contact outside of work and according to him we were never dating, just sleeping and doing things together. So, is he taking baby steps on the whole reaching out to me and if so why at work? Why does he keep looking and or staring at me? When I look over at him he has to look away? I know he jokes really weird, but when I said if that's what he wants, then go for it and tell me how it was. I can not describe the feelings I got off of him, but it was like he was offended I said that to him. I am confused, I thought he does not want me? Then when I told him why stay here, I have two years left? He seemed to get upset about that. He has shown no interest towards me in the two years we have been what we are ?? so why I really have nothing tying me down. He has no kids, no wife, his family is in Maine, and he has already told me he is moving to Florida. He should be happy that I am finally pushing away.So I guess what I am asking is, do I take his stuff to him on Friday and ask for my stuff and say sense you have made no contact with me, here you go. I did what I did to protect myself and my job because she was going to confront me. You have said there is nothing going on between us, well then here is your stuff. I want a relationship and you do not.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 days ago.

It sounds to me like he is trying to remain friendly...you work together but he is stating his position that it wasn't anything more than a casual thing for him and the intimacy was an added bonus of the friendship. He is doing what he can to talk to you to keep things light and easy but this does not sound like a great place to put your energy to think you will have much more in the future or anything that will last or be very serious. I know it is hard for you but he hasn't shown an interest and when you pull away he brings you back in but these types of things don't have much staying power. So, the best thing sounds like to keep a good relationship at work and not engage on a personal level. Give him back his things and move forward with your life.

Customer: replied 12 days ago.
I kind of thought so. I was used for the past two years.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 days ago.

I know how hard this is for you, but you are smart and strong and will be able to pick up and dust off one you allow yourself to put this behind you.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 days ago.

Please take a moment to click the rating stars. Thanks so much.

Jen