Hello. It is rather normal for men about your husband's age to look up old flames. What isn't normal is for him to obsess over her so much. You can find some comfort in knowing she doesn't seem much more interested in him now than she did then. I would figure word has gotten to her through her friends he has been trying to get in touch. with her. she seems to have chose n not to respond.
That said, you have made it clear to him this bothers you and he has apparently ignored you. This reveals to me there are deeper issues in your marriage, I would guess this is just another issue or symptom of maybe a deterioration in your relationship.
My first recommendation would be to seek marital counseling. Beyond that, you need to put your foot down, You don't need to ask or request he discontinue his search. You need to demand it. You need to make it very clear how this makes you feel, demand he cease, and let him know the consequences if he doesn't. Whatever you say the consequences may be, you need to stick to your guns.
I reiterate though I believe this to be a symptom rather than the problem. Ultimately, you need to seek outside counseling. I am available for a phone call if you wish. If you are satisfied with my response, please let it be know with a positive rating. I really hope I have been a help to you.
I so apologize for taking so long to get back to you. No offence but from what I am rea ding you are not the problem. Your husband is being very inconsiderate. You are right. You do have insecurities. That is likely why you have put up with his indiscretions this long. It is time you put your foot down and demand it stop. Tell him he needs to choose you or find someone else. He very well may take you up on it but you don't have him now anyway. it is time you start valuing yourself and quit allowing him to treat you like yesterday's leftovers. You are better than that, Does that make sense to you?