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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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My boyfriend and i were having issues now i havent heard

Customer Question

hi my boyfriend and i were having issues now i havent heard from him for almost a week
JA: The psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the psychologist can help you best.
Customer: im not sure whether to give him more space or why this is even happening
JA: Is there anything else important you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: we have been together over a year the issues started when i found hed message a random female being flirty we were living together but since i have moved home
Submitted: 21 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 21 days ago.

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Oh dear, sweet soul, this is so incredibly difficult. I can understand why you are confused and unsure of what your next step should be.

I can absolutely see why you are hurt after finding the message from the female. I absolutely agree that this is so painful and can understand you wanting to great some space while you determine next steps.

I am a bit perplexed as to why you haven't heard from him. His "disappearing" is an avoidance technique and is anything but effective or productive. Giving you the silent treatment is punishing behavior and I fear that in order to get the answers you are seeking, you will need to step forward as the mature adult and request them.

I do believe you need to contact him and schedule a time to meet in person. Prior to the meeting, you need to do some deep soul searching to determine what it is you truly want. Should you decide to stay in the relationship (assuming this is an option), you and your boyfriend need to learn better ways of communicating as well as him owning his behavior (flirty e-mail) and trust re-built. You certainly don't want to be with someone who runs every time there is an issue, leaving you alone and perplexed.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Your heart must be broken not only by the loss of trust but also his "disappearance." This is beyond devastating.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 21 days ago.
Do you feel I should approach him as soon as possible or give him some more space. I was under the impression that I should let him come to me. But after no communication immnot sure how long that could take. It's very scary as I don't know whether he is trying to 'fade out ' the relationship or make me break up with him or whether he still loves me and is unsure what to do
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 21 days ago.

I understand thinking you need to give him more space but why aren't you the one needing space as he was the one caught in a flirty e-mail exchange? I don't say this to be mean or judgemental in anyway but simply as a way of clarity. You are tip-toeing around his moods and this is horribly unfair for you. I also fear he is trying to fade out of the relationship and understand you wanting him to come to you first (which is the correct reaction) but I fear he will not and you are in desperate need of some answers. Ohhhh sweet soul, I am so sorry.

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 18 days ago.

Good morning,

I just wanted to circle back as I haven't heard from you. Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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