Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.
My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.
Oh dear, sweet soul, this is so incredibly difficult. I can understand why you are confused and unsure of what your next step should be.
I can absolutely see why you are hurt after finding the message from the female. I absolutely agree that this is so painful and can understand you wanting to great some space while you determine next steps.
I am a bit perplexed as to why you haven't heard from him. His "disappearing" is an avoidance technique and is anything but effective or productive. Giving you the silent treatment is punishing behavior and I fear that in order to get the answers you are seeking, you will need to step forward as the mature adult and request them.
I do believe you need to contact him and schedule a time to meet in person. Prior to the meeting, you need to do some deep soul searching to determine what it is you truly want. Should you decide to stay in the relationship (assuming this is an option), you and your boyfriend need to learn better ways of communicating as well as him owning his behavior (flirty e-mail) and trust re-built. You certainly don't want to be with someone who runs every time there is an issue, leaving you alone and perplexed.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Your heart must be broken not only by the loss of trust but also his "disappearance." This is beyond devastating.
Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.
Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.