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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 253
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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My life went in turmoil after I lost my ex and little girl.

Customer Question

My life went in turmoil after I lost my ex and little girl. We had a deep connection but I destroyed it with my insecurities. We both had a lot going on in are lives. I dumped her twice. After the second time she got with this new guy. They broke up once and are now engaged. We talked once after they broke up and it was a nice conversation. She got back together with him and they are now engaged. I tried msg her in June and got nothing back. I told her I miss her and lily. She has been with this guy for 2 and a half years. Everything they put on fb is over the top in love. I feel like her posts are trying to show me how happy she is. I can't get over her. I know this guy from high school and he isn't a good guy. Feel lost. Why do I feel we were meant to be?
Submitted: 29 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 28 days ago.

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Oh Mike, I am so so sorry. This is beyond sad and I absolutely understand how your heart is broken. One question I have before responding further is regarding Lily. Is Lily your biological daughter? Or, your ex's daughter from another relationship?

I very much look forward to hearing from you and providing you with a thorough response.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 28 days ago.
From another relationship
Customer: replied 28 days ago.
what's your opinion
Customer: replied 28 days ago.
Never gave me an answer???
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 28 days ago.

Good afternoon and thank you for your response.

I can absolutely understand why you are devastated and miss her tremendously. I imagine it is complicated by the thoughts of you wishing you had not ended the relationship on two occasions.

It does sound like there were issues within the relationship while together and sometimes when something ends we have the tendency to romanticize it a bit. I'm wondering if that is the case here? No doubt, you miss she and Lilly so much but I'm guessing it was also a bit up and down?

Sadly she has moved forward without you and you need to do the same. I realize this feels near impossible when drowning in your own grief and loss.

Grief is a part of life, and, like life, it is unpredictable. I find grief is often one of the least logical and predictable experiences of life. No one can predict exactly how long grief will last, or how any particular day in the coming year may feel.

Understanding the loss of your relationship does not necessarily mean finding the answers for why it happened, or being able to intellectually explain away your feelings. Understanding your loss means understanding what role the loss plays in your life, and eventually being able to integrate the loss into your identity. It means reconstructing your identity, and your world, after it has been forever changed. Understanding the loss of the relationship may sound as if it involves thinking a lot about what has happened in the past, but it is really more about deciding how to live your life in the future.

“Tough times don’t last – tough people do.” Repeat this to yourself as often as you need to.

From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story – a story that says,“I learned and I survived.” There are moments when troubles entery our life and you can do nothing to avoid them, but they are there for a reason. Only when you have overcome them will you understand why they were there. So be brave and press forward. You will not see the light at the end of the tunnel until you walk through the darkness.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 26 days ago.

Good afternoon, Mike.

I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you. Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can assist you with?

I gently ask you provide a star rating so I may be compensated.

Take good care and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie