Good afternoon and thank you for your response.
I can absolutely understand why you are devastated and miss her tremendously. I imagine it is complicated by the thoughts of you wishing you had not ended the relationship on two occasions.
It does sound like there were issues within the relationship while together and sometimes when something ends we have the tendency to romanticize it a bit. I'm wondering if that is the case here? No doubt, you miss she and Lilly so much but I'm guessing it was also a bit up and down?
Sadly she has moved forward without you and you need to do the same. I realize this feels near impossible when drowning in your own grief and loss.
Grief is a part of life, and, like life, it is unpredictable. I find grief is often one of the least logical and predictable experiences of life. No one can predict exactly how long grief will last, or how any particular day in the coming year may feel.
Understanding the loss of your relationship does not necessarily mean finding the answers for why it happened, or being able to intellectually explain away your feelings. Understanding your loss means understanding what role the loss plays in your life, and eventually being able to integrate the loss into your identity. It means reconstructing your identity, and your world, after it has been forever changed. Understanding the loss of the relationship may sound as if it involves thinking a lot about what has happened in the past, but it is really more about deciding how to live your life in the future.
“Tough times don’t last – tough people do.” Repeat this to yourself as often as you need to.
From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story – a story that says,“I learned and I survived.” There are moments when troubles entery our life and you can do nothing to avoid them, but they are there for a reason. Only when you have overcome them will you understand why they were there. So be brave and press forward. You will not see the light at the end of the tunnel until you walk through the darkness.
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