Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.
My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.
Ohhh, sweet soul, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I understand why you completely overwhelmed by your feelings and unsure of what to do. This is a very complicated situation as you mentioned you are struggling with your own struggles around communicating.
I understand you love this woman--that you have a nice life together, that she loves you and your children but the key component of a strong, solid relationship is trust and sadly she is unable to provide you with this. She has a history of being unfaithful and somehow can easily separate it from her relationships--she doesn't see it as an issue and has learned not to take ownership of her behavior. It's very difficult to confront someone like this as I am sure she will deny her behavior or else blame you for snooping through her texts/e-mails.
Nonetheless, you must (and have to say something)--as difficult as it will be. I would suggest saying something like this....
"I love you very much but am conflicted about your relationship. I know you have been dishonest with me about your whereabouts and involvement with XX and it hurts me beyond what words can describe. I am completely torn apart as I love you and don't want our relationship to all apart. Sadly, things cannot continue the way they are. I gently request you discontinue your current relationship with your ex and work closely with a therapist to better understand why you have created such a dynamic. I will also work with a therapist as I would love to get assistance around how to communicate in a more effective way. I want so much for our relationship to work but sadly we both have things we need to work on. Can you please promise me, as I promise you, you will work on these issues so we can be stronger?
Does this feel o.k. and comfortable for you? I do believe it is crucial to have this conversation and fear you will continue to be in great pain until then. So please, sweet soul, step forward and speak from your heart.
Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.
Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.