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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3119
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years, we have had

Customer Question

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years, we have had our ups and downs. Recently there has been more arguing/disagreements and distance between us emotionally. I love him with all my heart and he says the same. I question his faithfulness, there has been cheating in the past. For the most part I've gotten over it, but certain individuals still linger around, which makes me feel uncomfortable and hurt. I'm okay with him having friends of the opposite sex. I've addressed my concerns numerous times, it upsets him, he feels i only want to argue, not to try and be happy. He feels as if I'm ruining our relationship. We planned to have a baby and get married next year. He says he stressed overwhelmed with things I can't help h solve, he will keep things from me, he expects me to tell him everything (that he can more so help me solve my problems, but not vice versus). I feel confused.
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 months ago.

I am sorry to hear of all this pain for you. It sounds to me like he wants to be able to do as he pleases and as soon as you question or desire more closeness he blames you for wanting to argue. I don't think marriage or having a child would solve these issues and maybe even cause more stress for both of you. He wants you to just be quiet about things and not go to him when you feel upset or hurt or angry. He has been unfaithful in the past and unless he really looks at that behavior then it is quite possible he does it again. I would continue to try to speak with him openly and lovingly and if he gets mad then you are left with some questions for yourself...is this how you want to love moving forward for the rest of your life? Even with the love you feel for him, is he the right man to be in an honest and truly committed and mutual relationship.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 months ago.

Let me know your thoughts.

Jen

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