Wow....my guess he isn't even sure what is going on either! He's a tough one because he obviously had (or has) deep feelings for you but is completely incapable of being in a relationship. This is really confusing, no doubt. It is true, some individuals are happier being alone because, after all, we learn most about ourselves within the context of relationships. There are probably parts of himself he doesn't even care to learn more about. I get the sense he isn't strongly emotionally evolved. I don't say that in a mean way but he doesn't seem to push himself to anyplace that may get uncomfortable. I imagine the entire idea of intimacy (not sex but emotional intimacy) would scare him terribly and this is most probably why he pulls away--despite the feelings he has for you.
I absolutely, completely and fully agree with you. I imagine you will have a much better chance of him resuming the relationship if you discontinue the blame game and act positive and happy. This...without a doubt....I am completely sure of. : )
I do. I do believe you have a really good understanding of this guy but I do think it will be tough to be in a relationship with him. You may have to do a bit of convincing that he should be in a relationship with you and I don't know if that ultimately feels comfortable.....?
I understand. Perhaps give it one last honest shot and see if he budges. Does this sound comfortable?
This is certainly a possibility but at the end of the day, he has to want to be back in the relationship. I know it was wonderful while you were together (minus this other woman's influence) but sadly he has (for whatever reasons we can't quite pinpoint) pull out of the relationship. I would speak with him, tell him you believe the two of you would be happy together and see what he says. If he is willing to revisit the relationship, it would be wonderful. If he drags his feet, I would step back.
It sounds like you have clarity of where he is at...what he is feeling and where he is at emotionally. I think you should go with your gut on this. I don't know him and can't (obviously) read his mind. My recommendation is to reach out and see if he is wanting to enter the relationship again and see how he responds. Hopefully he will be all as I know this will make you really happy. : )
I imagine it is more because of his commitment issues than anything else. From everything you have told me, he really seems to enjoy his space and be unattached. Of course, this deeply connects to unresolved issues he has but sadly you need to honor this is move forward. : (
Ya know, I think it depends entirely on you. Can you be close friends and not feel sad or do it without trying to get him back? At the end of the day, you should be with someone who wants to be with you and loves you deeply. I would recommend removing anything that stands in the way of you getting that. : )
Oh dear, sadly I think the relationship is over. I think it best if you didn't keep the friendship as it seems to keep you focused on why it ended and why it didn't work. I think you need to move forward, not thinking over and over as to why and try to analyze him. He has a lot to learn and a bit of maturing to do. Sadly you need to move forward.
Ohhh honey, I can't know all the reasons as to why he walked away as I can't get into his head. From what you have told me, though, it sounds like he likes his space, enjoys his time alone, doesn't do well with commitment, was a bit overwhelmed by the arguing. This is my guess though based upon what you have said.
I think your focus should be on yourself at this point, though. Please try to move forward and grieve this loss. I am so sorry as I know you really liked him. : (
I do. I do believe he is firm in what he said and sadly it needs to be accepted. I have no doubt this other woman made things incredibly difficult and contributed to the challenges faced. Please, my friend, move forward as this man is sadly not interested in reconciliation.
I do believe you are correct in this...that he is giving his friends the real reason and gave you the answers he did as a way of not hurting you.
I think both of these things have played a role in the break-up but imagine he tells his friend's it's all about the problems in the relationship (disagreements)....as to take take any responsibility. It think he told you he couldn't commit so as to not make you feel badly that it didn't work. I do think he does have commitment issues but tend to mention this as it feels better for him.
At the end of the day, it's the reality that he doesn't like commitment, wants to be alone, feels there were many issues in the relationship and wants to be single. No matter the very specifics, you need to move forward on your own. I am so sorry.
Opps, I wrote that sentence incorrectly....my apologies....
So it should have said...."so as to NOT take any responsibility." In other words, he doesn't want to admit in front of the guys that he has issues that prevent him from being in a relationship.
I agree with you. I think he knows the relationship issues were intensified by his inability to work through his own unresolved past. He would never admit this to the guys though.
Yes, I imagine he does/did trust you and imagine you are easy to talk with. I can't speak for his feelings but if he does like you, he still in unable to be in a relationship...sadly.
ha ha. No, I don't think this will be a good idea. I fear he will push you away further. Sadly this man clearly wants to be alone. : (
You could but I'm not sure this is worth any further mental energy. I would simply move forward with a more healthy man.
It's all tough to say as I'm not a mind reader but who knows? It may, at some point, decide to work on things a bit and decide to settle down but I don't suspect this in his immediate future.
I don't think you should initiate talking to him as he seems to take up much of your mental energy. You do need to move forward.
I don't know his major reason for leaving (because I can't read his mind) but do know that both of the issues you mentioned (not seeing a future and commitment issues) played a strong role.
I know, this truly isn't easy at all. It's so difficult to move forward when you cared so much about a person and it seemed right in so many ways.
In healthy relationships, a person would say if they felt hurt by certain behavior (talking about an ex) and the opposite person who respond in a compassionate way by not continuing dialogue about the ex.
It does sound like there were many ups and downs in your relationship and I'm glad you are moving forward.