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Ask Dr Ted Manos Your Own Question

Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 345
Experience:  Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
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My husband and I have been together for four years. Married

Customer Question

My husband and I have been together for four years. Married for only one of those years. We have two young children together. I have four others from previous relationships. We all live together. I met my husband several years prior. We worked together and had a short fling. I didn't see him or talk to him until 10 years had passed. I was in an abusive marriage and he answered a friend request that I had sent months prior over Facebook. We starting talking and I fell in love. He made me feel like I was the only girl who exsisted. I would soon find out shortly after moving in with him, that he was talking with several girls online. Some of them were filthy conversations. The most upsetting was a message sent to an ex of his one week before we moved in together. He referred to her as the woman of his dream, and proceeded to say "make that my wildest dreams." He referred to her as a slut, as she had repeatedly cheated on him and other exes. She has a hideous face and a hideous heart. I have been in several abusive relationships and don't feel the greatest about myself. I suffer from anxiety. Why was I not good enough for him to only talk to me. He gives me the lame excuse that he doesn't know why he said that to her. He never reassures me. He just gets mad or annoyed and I am the bad guy. Over the years he has drank too much, gambled away our rent money, lied, and acted completely selfish. He would leave the house for hours on end and not call to check in or answer his phone. After I cried, screamed and pleaded with him to. I asked him several times just to check in. He doesn't show love appropriately. He works, but has no license. I do everytging. I take care of the bills, the children, appointments. EVERYTHING. I am beyond stressed out. He doesn't give me the time of day lately, and spends his time drinking in a bedroom with my brother and his girlfriend whom we are staying with until we move into our own place. He knows I don't feel comfortable with him drinking around my brothers girlfriend, because of problems I had with her in the past involving an ex boyfriend and her...he continues to surround himself around them and leave me alone. I tried hanging out playing dice with them once, but I didn't like how he acted toward me, so I said never again. I want him to leave me alone. He has several breaks away from the kids and I, yet I don't get a break ever. Yesterday he wouldn't get out of the car and leave me alone. I pleaded with him to over and over. All the thing upsetting that he had done to me and never fixed came flooding in my head. I snapped and back handed him across the face. Before this everything I mentioned divorce, he would say I could leave but he's taking the babies. He is selfish and disrespectful. He smokes in the car with the kids and refuses to stop. He drinks all the time. I want to take a break from him. What do you think?
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
My husband has shad several opportunities to show his love for me, yet failed everytime. He disregards ***** ***** constantly. His family has mistreated me, and he refuses to stick up for me.
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 1 month ago.

Good afternoon, Autumn, and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston.

Ohhh sweet soul, what horrible experiences you have had. I am very sorry. Please know, first and foremost that nothing you could have done would have changed this man's wandering eyes. You could be the most gorgeous, smartest, kindest and loving woman on planet earth and the behavior would be the same. Sadly, that part of the problem is his to own and address.

Please continue doing your counseling, ensuring you become strong in every way. You need to understand further why you choose men who are not good for you. You have six children who rely on you and you need to be the best you can be.

In regard to what your decision should be....I do believe you have already made it. It sounds like you are very clear about what you want/need to do and are seeking validation. Only you know your situation and only you know what is best for yourself and your family. Please trust yourself and your intuition as it always speaks truth.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I would like to mention that the messages to the other girls on Facebook were not when he and I were together. We also were not officially together when he said that to his ex, but it ripped my heart out. I no longer trust him and can no longer live like this. Am I justified in feeling this way?
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 1 month ago.

Yes, of course you are. Your feelings are what they are--they are neither right or wrong--they just are. I honestly don't know a person who wouldn't feel this way about someone they cared about. I am so sorry....

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I still feel lost with all this. I appreciate you answering the question, however I don't feel any better. I am not satisfied with this answer.
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 1 month ago.

I understand, Autumn and am sorry you are not pleased with my answer. I will open your question up to other professionals so perhaps you will get an different perspective. I truly wish you all the best.

Expert:  Dr Ted Manos replied 1 month ago.
Hello, I'm Dr Manos M.D. I've read your circumstances and your questions. First question was taking a break from your husband. The second is it justified to feel betrayed by your husband. Your description of your life and circumstances tell me that your husband is a chronic alcoholic. He doesn't have a driver's license which is good if he might get behind the wheel and hurt others out on the road. Can you get a break from all his irresponsibility, not likely. Can he be transformed into a peaceful, loving human being? The alcoholic can transform the environment when they realize the cost to relationships they have. I don't have an answer to how it can be done. You have your children to love and protect, and you can pray for his realization of the consequences of his behavior. I believe you can feel better about things if you explore what's available where you live for the impact of alcoholism on others.

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