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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 306
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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Me and my partner just broke up and I'm very persistent at

Customer Question

Me and my partner just broke up and I'm very persistent at getting her back and she knows this, she said she just wants to be single right now with no commitment but she tells me she will always be here for me and has love for me and wants the best for me, she also said that maybe if seeing change in me will help her see in a different light
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: I'm in love with her and she has fallen out is there anyway I can do something to get her back with me
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 4 months ago.

Good afternoon and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

I am so sorry your relationship ended. I imagine you are heartbroken and desperately wanting her back. Thankfully she was very clear with you about what it is she needs and wants right now. If you are interested in having any further relationship with her, you need to honor her position and stop trying to get her to change her mind. She needs to know you respect her opinion, even though it is not what you would want ultimately.

I understand this is probably not what you want to hear and I am sorry to have to deliver such news. Please, sweet friend, reach out to a therapist to work through the grief and loss of the relationship. Work hard on yourself and make yourself the best you can possibly be. Focus on things in your life you are not proud of and love the person you become.

Grieving a loss is incredibly difficult. I find grief is often one of the least logical and predictable experiences of life. No one can predict exactly how long grief will last, or how any particular day in the coming year may feel. Grief has many lessons for all of us, and each of them can be learned and relearned, not always predictably.

Understanding your loss does not necessarily mean finding the answers for why it happened, or being able to intellectually explain away your feelings. It does not mean gaining a clinical understanding of relationships. Understanding your loss means understanding what role the loss plays in your life, and eventually being able to integrate the loss into your identity. It means reconstructing your identity, and your world, after it has been forever changed. Understanding your loss may sound as if it involves thinking a lot about what has happened in the past, but it is really more about deciding how to live your life in the future.

“Tough times don’t last – tough people do.” Repeat this to yourself as often as you need to.

From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story – a story that says,“I learned and I survived.” There are moments when troubles enter your life and you can do nothing to avoid them, but they are there for a reason. Only when you have overcome them will you understand why they were there. So be brave and press forward. You will not see the light at the end of the tunnel until you walk through the darkness.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 3 months ago.
Good evening, I just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you. Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can assist you with? I gently request you provide a star rating for me so I may be compensated. Of course, we can continue to talk after a rating is provided. Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have. Warm regards,Leslie

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