Hi,I'm Jules, a LPC,I am reviewing your question now, and will post back with your thorough reply briefly :)
Thank you for your question. It sounds like you guys are in the new phases of a potential relationship and it seems that this is when people try to establish boundaries. So, yes, guy time is pretty important, especially when he is trying to figure out a new place. Guys have these things called "egos" and they get their feelings hurt if someone may get the impression that they may be "controlled" in some sort of way. I dont think that was your intention at all. It just happened that he may have felt that he just got out of a serious relationship and maybe some of that baggage carried over. He may be fearful of becoming serious with someone when he just got out of something that was difficult at the end. Does that make sense? I bet he just needs a little space to figure out what he really wants. He definitely sounds like he was or is interested in spending time with you and enjoyed your company, but he needs his own time also....
check out this article when you get the chance :)
I would probably respond to his text message and state that you understand and that you had no intentions of honing in on his time. you get his perspective but that your intentions were not to interfere, everything just sort of fell into place a certain way and that you feel that there was a misunderstanding. Let him know that you recognize how his space and time are important and that you are a confident person that was not attempting to engage in any type of clinginess. I would then be really casual when I saw him at the gym and say "hey how is it going?" and focus on my workout and such. Dont give too much of a sign that you are wondering where is head is because that may lead him to feel like he has some sort of pressure to make a decision or act a specific way. I would focus on being self sufficient, confident, even a bit mysterious without being "cold." Does that make sense?
I really like this article about what men want. https://powertochange.com/sex-love/menwant/
Last article that I am going to send :) lol. I like to send references so that is why I do this....
"One last turn-off for men is when a woman starts to spend more and more time with him, but feels as if all of a sudden he is the one and only thing going on in her life. When girls begin to abandon their friends, their hobbies and their other life priorities, men begin to see this as an obsession and again, it places too much pressure on them.
Girls need to remember that the reason this guy felt drawn to them in the first place was probably because of the great life they lived. If she abandons that then that attraction and intrigue fades as well. And giving up all these things for him and expecting him to do the same will only end up in him resenting them for reigning in on his freedom.
Do not ever let a man be the sole source of your happiness and fulfillment. Do not ever stop being the girl you were before you met him. When your man sees that you can balance both him and your other sources of happiness, he will feel that his importance is reduced, and therefore start making YOU more important." this is just an excerpt.....
I really think that his actions were more or less a carry over from the last relationship that he had though. Maybe she did those things and he is now hypersensitive to it?
I am sorry for the delay. I was preparing dinner for my family and now I am back and available on line. I would typically say there is a 30 day rule when making a decision with regards ***** ***** forward or trying the relationship once again :)
I would probably go ahead and message him and say, "hey, I wanted to tell you happy birthday and I had already purchased some things for you. I dont want to be weird or complicated about giving them to you, but I did buy them specifically for you and I feel that it would be strange if I kept them because I had you on my mind when I got them. So, I would like to wish you well and also just hope that your day is special. I will likely see you at the gym on Sunday, since we normally train at the same time, and I dont want there to be complications or tension if I see you, so I do want to give you these tokens of friendship at some point so that your special day is celebrated. Let me know when I can get them to you."
Or something to that effect?
I think you handled it gracefully and with tact. I think expressing your values and intentions were very important and you seem to be a genuine and compassionate person. I think he will see your value but most importantly knowing that you have handled yourself as a classy woman is important for you
Yes maam. You sound very intuitive. You have to stay true to who you are and that is attractive in itself This situation may be an opportunity to just focus on your worth and maintain your authenticity