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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3203
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I need help after a breakup.

Customer Question

I need help after a breakup.
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am sorry to hear about your recent break-up. Please let me know how I can support you.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
We were together 2.5 years and lived together. He is 30, no license from too many DWIs, still would do coke at parties. And selfish but we still loved eacj other very much. He was a very loyal and loving boyfriend but our differences tore us apart. He was my best friend we had so much fun together everyday. We started fighting so much because I wanted stability and he wouldn't give me that. We broke up a month ago and I didn't speak with him for 3 weeks. I reached out to him and we've been seeing each other but aren't in a relationship. We still love each other and our heart says yes to be together but pur heads say no to our differences. I love him so much and miss being together everyday. It's so different going from living together to seeing each other. My heart gurts all the time I just want him. But I don't want the lifestyle he comes with. I need a miracle.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Thanks for giving me more information and it sounds like a very tough road and you have really hit the nail on the love him, don't want the lifestyle and need a miracle. Perfectly stated because unless HE wants to make those changes then nothing will change. The love may be there but it may not be enough for him to make the changes as he might not have the desire. Being in contact with him feels great but it is also painful because you aren't able to have him in the way you need and desire. He can only change and get the help if he wants it and I don't hear that. If he is willing, great but if not, you may need to step back again and care for yourself. Not easy at all but otherwise you will stay stuck in this cycle. Very painful and my heart goes out to you.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I just need someone to care and support me. I've never gotten that from my parent's they only expect me to live life the way they think is best, ***** *****'t care if I'm happy they just expect me to always do what they feel is right. And I do so much for them, I always sacrifice so they're happy. And all of my friends are married or soon to be. I only have a few girfriends and they don't understand. I can't tell them what's really going on becausr they expect me to be happier without him and get mad when I'm sad. I don't have anyone and this is the time in my life where i need someone the most. Idk what to do.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

And it sounds like he is not able to give you all that you need, want and deserve. It is very sad, but I don't see him giving you this miracle.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Everything has fallen apart in my life. I lost the home i was happy in and ny social life. Not to mentiom ny lover and best friend. We were together everyday and always enjoyed the day together no matter if we were being lazy and having a blast. He has it easy. He doesn't want to be responsible for my requests of a good life but doesn't have to grieve my loss like I do his.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am sure he is grieving in his own way but you both have different desires and sometimes the hardest thing is to care for yourself and walk away realizing that the love isn't enough if many things in the relationship aren't right.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I had no choice but to walk away when we forst broke up and i couldn't even make it through the day. I've never experienced pain like that. I've lost so much. I'm not myself nothing makes me happy anymore. And how do I go through life without someone? Not even a best friend?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Healing takes time and because the pain is so raw right now things feel bleak but grief can lift and getting the proper support is crucial and you coming here is a great first step. I will also suggest that some face to face counseling could be very helpful for you to get through this space and to find yourself again.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

As hard as it is, caring for yourself and forcing a routine for yourself can also be helpful in getting one foot in front of the other each day.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
What is there to enjoy withoit friends?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

And this is the time to push yourself and find new passions, immerse yourself in new things and through that find new friends. When any of us pace it all on one person we are bound to feel alone. Give yourself the time to heal, get yourself some face to face counseling and rely that you are in there and can heal.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Let me know how else I can support you.

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