You are an amazing, sensitive, open hearted woman and those things add up to 'vulnerable'
Yes, it appears he's been through quite a 'war' as many relationships may result in as they come to an unfortunate end. However, you have to protect yourself with insight and knowledge - and perhaps most importantly, trust in a point of view that isn't vested. This means that not even close friends' opinions or viewpoints can be relied upon to be objective. Or objective enough
I'd like to see you enlist some local counseling - just a few sessions - to be that objective point of view for you. Sitting down for 45-50 minutes one on one is incredibly helpful and cathartic
If this man has hopes for a future with you he would, ideally, attend such sessions with you in order to learn what tools are available to both of you for better communication (tell him you WANT to see things his way and this is how to start) and viewpoints.
The bot***** *****ne is that this, not being a full fledged relationship yet, has so many red flags and so many points of disconnect that it will only get worse. Wouldn't you rather this either gets repaired OR ended before it turns ugly and you can at least have an 'email friend' or occasional lunch, movie, dinner friend?
Ask him to work together with you on building the right foundation and if he balks, make it simple: "John, I feel we are best left at being friends. Let's stick to emails, texts, phone calls for a while and perhaps evolve into the occasional get-together later on"
I suspect that once you convey this message and then refuse his next few attempts to 'hook up' (we always want what we can't have) - he might begin to warm to the idea of a counselor or whatever you want (stick to counselor)
Your closure is taking back your dignity and your control. I'll say this again, just the fact that you've seen all the warning signs and have this doubt deep in your heart tells me you're smart, you're stronger than you think and you need to trust your instincts.
You know you deserve better; now get it!