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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 316
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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My children's father and I were together for 4 years and

Customer Question

Hi, my children's father and I were together for 4 years and have our fourth child on the way. We've been broken up for 3 months due to domestic violence on both ends and he is very rude to me.. He's spread rumors about me,and intentionally tried to make me jealous all the while telling me he is not over me as I told him I wasn't over him. Now he is rubbing his new gf in my face and threatening and intimidating me with trying to take my kids from me and having me put in jail for violation the no contact order which we both violated...all he had to say about the relationship was if I fix myself I have a significant chance of getting him back..but he sure isn't acting like someone who would take me bacm
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Ohhhhh sweet soul, what a complicated situation. It sounds like you and your children's father have a difficult history, each of you contributing to the overall breakdown. I understand your desire to have your ex back in your life but please....I beg you....get the help you need before considering returning to the relationship. You are a mother (with another child on the way) and need to be the best you can be--whether you decide to reunite or not. Please do this for you--for your children as well--not for him. It sounds like your ex has much to personal work to do as well. His behavior is beyond cruel and absolutely unnecessary.

Please take space from him--stay away and try to move on with your life. If both of you find your way back to each other in the future, after working on your own personal issues, so be in. Work on yourself. Get things in order and focus on yourself, your health and your children. You deserve a life of peace, minus this chaos.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Thank you..does it sound at all he could possibly be acting this way because he can't handle the fact that he misses me? Or just a power trip? Why would he say we can get back together if we fix ourselves?
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

Ohhhh Marla, I don't know. His behavior is anything but kind, though and I fear him continuing to hurt you. It's not so much what he wants at this point, it's what you want and what would make the most sense for your family. Please work on the things that are yours and if he returns you can then decide based upon where you are at.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Yeah,the thing is that I put him through hell emotionally for the last four years with my issues and insecurity and he was nothing but nice to me.now it feels like I'm getting a taste of my own medicine and I can't handle it.. I know its what I get, but I wish there were a way to tell if there wasa way to get back together
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

I have no doubt that at different times in your relationship, each of you have contributed to the overall breakdown. I do understand that you want your ex back but please use this time to work on yourself. If things come together in the future, it will be wonderful but you must heal yourself first. You have been through so much and now you are bringing another baby into the mix. Please make sure you take care of yourself first and foremost.

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

Good morning, Marla.

I hope you had a nice weekend.

Just wanted to check back in and see if you are in need of anything else? Have I answered your question? If so, can you please provide a star rating so I may be compensated?

Thank you so much.

Warm regards,

Leslie

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Well, I was just wondering how I can feel better about myself and stop being so depressed...he has a new girlfriend and told me there is no chance of reconciliation... The depression of losing everything including my family is hurting me bad as I can't even eat.
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
he told me he doesn't even love her like why is he with her then and not me I don't get it
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

Ohhhh sweet soul, I am so incredibly sorry. It's so difficult to walk away, isn't it? It's now time for you to grieve this incredible loss and move forward in your life. I would connect with a local therapist to get some assistance as this is obviously a tremendous amount to handle. I would also check in with your doctor to see if he/she could get you temporarily on some medicine that would allow you to sleep/eat and lessen your anxiety--perhaps an antidepressant.

I've been in your horrible dark place and felt like things would never change but slowly--very slowly--over time things gradually started improving. Gradually I was able to sleep, eat a little bit and then began noticing how I made it through the day without collapsing in tears. It was gradual, but please know it does happen.

You will move forward and you will find your way. Please trust me....I'm cheering you on.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Thank you :( it helps to know you've been through it
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 6 months ago.

I'm cheering you on. You can do this. I promise you can. If I can, you totally can.

Would you mind, when you are able, to provide a rating for me? Please know I am here for you and we can continue speaking....

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