Hi,I'm Jules, a LPC,I am reviewing your question now, and will post back with your thorough reply briefly :)
My goodness, I can only imagine the betrayal that you felt when you discovered this. I am so very sorry. I think that right now, go slowly in how you react to this situation. You are hurting so badly right now and you also feel that your trust, a major part of the foundation of your relationship, has been blown. I think that it will be important for you to think about long-term goals for your relationship and for yourself. You truly love this man, or you would not have married him, and yes, he should never have spoken to her with that type of language or even texted her period. There are boundaries that are necessary in order for you to have a sense of security and also protect your relationship and you will have to communicate with him exactly the expectations and remind him of the vows and how easily trust can be destroyed with these types of behaviors. If he has been remorseful, I would specifically ask him questions about what was leading to this type of communication? What was his response when you spoke to him?
I hope that this has been helpful and that you will provide a positive rating (3 stars or better) for the answer that you have received. You can do this by clicking on the rating button and providing a score. The communication does not have to cease if you provide a rating, but it is the only way that the experts receive credit. My goal is to provide with you excellent service. I wish you the best and if you need further clarification, please feel free to ask more questions. I can also send more specific resources if necessary for you! Thank you! Jules