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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 194
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I just met this guy and we have been out a few times etc.

Customer Question

I just met this guy and we have been out a few times etc. when is too early to have sex with him? I'm 31 and he's 34. We aren't exclusive yet
Submitted: 28 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 28 days ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Congratulations on finding someone you would like to be in a relationship with. Wonderful!

In response to your question, there aren't any right or wrong answers. When and if you feel comfortable and ready is the correct time. Some people wait until they are exclusive until they have sex, others use sex as a way of determining whether or not they want to be exclusive. If should be, of course, when you feel safe and comfortable with your partner and obviously be sure to practice safe sex. The decision of when is entirely yours.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 28 days ago.
In the past I feel that I have had sex too soon like I don't want the relationship based on it but since he travels for work I feel like I want to since I see him every other week pretty much.
Customer: replied 28 days ago.
But does sex change a relationship? I feel that it does
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 28 days ago.

Yes, I do feel sex changes a relationship. It creates a level of intimacy that wasn't there before. Also, it does force a conversation to happen that might not have happened before....I'm specifically thinking about the exclusivity type of conversation. I imagine you miss him during the times he travels but I don't think having sex will cure that...probably only make you miss him more. If your reason for having sex is to get a bit more clarity around the level of commitment, I don't think will necessary help either. I would completely base my decision on whether or not you feel ready and if you feel the relationship is moving forward.

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